Posts Tagged ‘Yaya Toure is not coming to Arsenal


We’re entering another dimension…

There’s nothing going on today.

The 3rd place match for the most important trophy in the history of world sport won’t kick off until 5:30am PST tomorrow and the finals won’t be until 11am PST so I’m stuck here trolling the internet for rumor, innuendo, hell, even something made up would be nice. Unfortunately, it’s dead out there. Well, there’s a one paragraph interview with Arsene Wenger on L’Equipe (in French) in which he gives a world exclusive insight into the “Arsenal way.” Uhhh, basically, he says that he didn’t go to Real Madrid because Arsenal are entering another dimension, where time stands still, door open, and Arsenal win a Champions League trophy with a bunch of teenagers.

It’s really fantastic.

Meanwhile, anyone who has been linked to Arsenal pretty much ever is now saying that they won’t be coming in. Yaya signed a 1 year extension with Barca which should stave off the Yaya to Arsenal speculation at least until January. I updated the Players who didn’t sign for Arsenal page, don’t make me edit it again!

Felipe Melo is the other oft speculated about player and his agent is saying that he’s happy at Fiorentino, which is good because I don’t want the bugger. Well, I’ll take anyone that Arsene signs, but I haven’t seen anything special from him… yet.  I’ll be watching him play against the USA tomorrow (if he gets a start, his teammates were pissed at him the other day) and I’ll write about the final match on Monday. Meanwhile, tomorrow’s blog will be a recap of the 3rd place match — if Cesc plays.

Like I said, there’s not much going on today, so in the time honored tradition of all “reporters” I’m going to make shiat up!

Taking a page from Wenger’s entering another dimension, today’s made up story is part fantasy, part reality, and it’s called “Who should Arsene Wenger buy from the U21 tournament?”

Basically, we all know that Wenger isn’t going to buy experience. We also know that he’s looking for a bargain. So, who better to pick up than some kids who shine at the U21s?

You’re traveling through another dimension — a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That’s a signpost up ahead: your next stop: the u21  Zone!

Tim Sparv: Solid defensive midfielder who has shown leadership qualities as the Finnish U21 captain. He’s also almost 2 meters tall and showed great promise in the air when he scored a header for Finland against England in their 2-1 loss. Tim Sparv is also reportedly a “good boy” which Wenger prizes highly, and he speaks impeccable English having been a roommate with Theo Walcott at Sothhampton.  Throw in the fact that he’s out of contract with his club Halmstad and he could be lured to Arsenal for dirt cheap.  Chance of this happening? 11/10, a no name youthful player, who hasn’t been linked to Arsenal in the press? This is a done deal!

Marco Andreolli: What? You mean you’ve never head of him either? He’s a tallish, solid Italian defender who has good heading instincts. He’s formed a relatively effective partnership in defense for Italy and caught the eye of many scouts. He’s currently on loan to Roma and isn’t getting much playing time behind their starting lineup. Chance of this happening? 3/10, he’s got many of the qualities that Arsene looks for but he’s Italian and I don’t remember the last time an Italian came to Arsenal.

Fabrice Muamba: Muamba’s the kind of player that one day has a great game and the next he struggles. Over the last few matches for England, however, he’s been massively impressive earning man of the match plaudits from his coach (he didn’t win them from the awarders though!). Though he may lack the passing range that Arsene is looking for there is no doubt that his tackling and heading would add a ton of steel to our young team. Chance of this happening? 5/10. Wenger has maintained for like 100 years that he’s never going to re-buy a player he let go, which would normally mean this is a 1/10, but Wenger has the capacity to surprise some times and I could honestly see him bringing Muamba in.

So, there you go, I made some stuff up. What do you all think? Who has impressed you this summer? Make some stuff up youself below — it’s fun!


Arsenal make a signing, plus Appiah comes to North London

It’s a Sign

Arsene Wenger signed his first player of the transfer window when 17 year old Jack Wilshere agreed to professional terms yesterday. I feel better knowing that Wilshere agreed to terms because in 10 years he might be one of the greatest players ever. And I’m not the only one who thinks that, Wenger is highly impressed with Jack’s potential and had the following to say about the kid:

We are delighted that Jack has signed a professional contract with us. Jack is a player with great potential, with an ability to find the final ball and also score goals. Jack is a passionate and committed young player, he is not afraid of tackles and I am convinced he will have tremendous penetrative power in a few years. We have already seen Jack’s qualities in both his first team performances and in training on a regular basis, and we look forward to Jack being an important part of our first team for years to come.

Jack is so strong that three days ago he picked up a small motorcycle and lifted it over his head, doing a set of 10 Military Presses before setting the bike down unharmed. He also can kick a ball 122 yards and is a world class sprinter who is expected to run for England in the Olympics.

Also he swum the English Channel last week.

And he bakes great cookies — next term’s red level members all get a packet of Jack’s homemade cookies upon renewal of their annual membership.

I might have made that last bit up.

Jack is 100% a product of Arsenal’s academy (joining at age 9) and judging by what we’ve seen so far he’s certainly something to be proud of. So, kudos to him, to the academy, and to everyone involved. Now the hard work starts, keeping his ego in check.

Now, if only there was an experienced holding midfielder available. Someone to add some steel to Arsenal’s soft center. Someone who could come in and start playing right away and show the youngsters like Denilson and Song the ropes.

I wonder who could do that?

Appiah to Sign With Spuds

OMG this ear infection really BURNS!

Ok, now this really pisses me off. Tottenham are expected to give Appiah a trial and I have a really bad feeling that Appiah is going to be this season’s Diarra. That means that Harry Redknapp is going to start looking like a genius instead of “the guy who made a name for himself by signing Arsenal’s cast offs.”

Worse though is that I was really, really, hoping that Tottenham made the drop. I know it’s not realistic but after their brief run of good form they are now 2 points off the bottom of the table and losing to squads like W.B.A. Moreover, they are flailing around in the transfer market, looking to re-sign former players like Defoe.

Come on… if there was ever going to be a season that Tottenham makes the drop, it has to be this one, right?


I guess I’ll have to hope that Appiah is an utter failure, which I hate to do because I really wanted him to come play for Arsenal and I hate rooting against a guy who’s had the medical problems he’s had. But I’d hate it even worse if Redknapp saves their season, Appiah goes to Barcelona for £100m, and Spuds make a push for top 4 again.

The Arshavin Deal Starts to Rot

I think being a Gooner stands for something; it’s a way of playing on the pitch and a way that the club treats our players with respect off the pitch. Arsenal FC might not lose gracefully but there is no doubt that this is the classiest organization in the EPL. It also means a host of seemingly small things like honoring our contracts, not dealing with disreputable people, and stamping out racism.

So how is it that this club is still linked with Andrei Arshavin?

I’m not surprised that Arshavin is now threatening his club with a buyout of his contract, the kid is obviously very, very desperate. He’s offered to take a salary cut, he’s threatened his club with a strike, and now he’s threating to buy himself out and leave his club high and dry. After what happened with Hleb this summer and after Wenger’s statements about honoring contracts, I don’t know how Arsene could sign him and keep a straight face next time he talks about the transfer market.

And honestly, I don’t care if he’s the next Kaka, which he isn’t or someone would have already paid the £20m asking fee, all of the press around this guy is so negative that there has to be something wrong with this deal.

So, if I had cold feet before because Zenit is a bunch of racists and their owners Gaszprom a bunch of thugs I have, erm, even colder feet now that Arshavin himself is revealed to be a waffling crybaby who threatens his club and refuses to honor his contracts.

Mark my words, this would be a bad signing for Arsenal.

Players Not Coming to Arsenal

So far this month, I have added Inler, Upson, and Appiah to the massive list of people who won’t be playing for Arsenal.  You know, so many people are linked to this club that you could have a blog just about the players NOT coming to Arsenal. And today that blog could add three new names: Rosina, Scott Parker, and Yaya Toure.

Rosina is easy, the club have come out and said the player is not leaving Torino. Yay, Arsenal aren’t going to sign a second-string player from a crappy team in a crappy league!

Scott Parker, well, I’m adding him because I don’t see Arsenal getting into a bidding war with Manchester City. He was already overpriced at £10m or whatever City offered the first time and now that they are up to £12m, there’s no way Arsene would pay that.

Yaya Toure is a similar story except with a bigger price tag and an even more improbable team to leave. City have reportedly offered £24m for the player. Which, if true, plus a huge compensation package, could be enough to prise the player away from Barca. But if I was Toure, I would stay: Barcelona are favorites to win the Champions League this year, they are on top of their league, plus, I don’t know if you know this but Barcelona is in sunny Spain. Who the hell would want to come to the freezing cold of Manchester in the middle of winter to play on a team that has more problems than Plaxico Burress handling a gun in a strip club?

Irregardless, he’s not coming to Arsenal.

We’ll all have to wait for the inevitable denials about Niko Kranjcar.

That’s it for today, Arsene supposedly has his eye on someone and only time will tell who it is(n’t). See you tomorrow!

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May 2020