Posts Tagged ‘William Gallas is not my captain


All Walcott All the Time

What? Her name is Walcott too!

What? Her name is Walcott too!

Having the press go gaga over an Arsenal footballer is a bit confusing. I know that I’m a relatively new Arsenal blogger (since Jan 1, 2008) but I can’t remember a time when the press was so unified in their glowing praise of an Arsenal player: even the invincibles were criticised. So, you’ll pardon me if I cast a jaundiced eye on this recent spate of Wallgod love. Oh wait, I’m wrong, at least one person is criticising Theo; bitter old England failure Chris Waddle.

Look, as much as I want to listen to a man who once famously sported this fabulous haircut I just can’t.  And it’s not just because he’s an ex-Spud either! This is the man who dumped England out of the 1990 World Cup semi-final with a missed penalty. What would he know about World Cup football except how to fail at it?

No, partisan hacks and World Cup drama queen failures aside, pretty much everyone is behind Theo as he single-handedly sets out to slay the evil Kazakh dragons. “Don’t clip his wings!” reads one headline. “Walcott to dance a jig on the dead bodies of the 1966 superstars” claims Russel Brand who’s hairstyle will be as fondly remembered as Chris Waddle’s in 5 years’ time.

Russel, please, for the love of God, look at yourself in the mirror; that hairstyle is as preposterous a coif as I have ever seen on a human being. What is that? It’s like a reverse 80’s high school aquanet bangs hairstyle. Seriously, you make Chris Waddle look like a sensible man.

If the articles aresn’t full of hyperbole about how Theo will solve the global economic crisis, cure cancer, and score a quad-trick on Borat they are looking back at his glorious career: here’s a great one about how some guy spotted Theo when he was 10. Have you ever wondered what happened to Theo’s teammates on the England U-17 squad? Me either. Or what about the thoughts of Sunderland’s “Theo Stopper?” Sup on those and you shall fill your belly with the food of genius. Or how about “What is it like to practice with Flash Walcott?” Seriously. All of this hype is getting to me, I think I need a rest.

Theo is a tremendous talent and I am convinced that as good as he is he will only get better. Given that we all know that, can we stop all the hyperbole now? Oh, and Russel?  Cut the mullet, tell the barber you’re sick of looking like an asshole.

Hleb is a Cunt

I really wish Hleb’s left leg fell off at the knee. If he isn’t talking shit about his former teammates, or talking shit about London he’s busy “living his dream” in Spain dribbling incessantly for Barcelona and talking shit about how Cesc should come play with him at Barca. Yes, Alex, I’m sure Cesc would be extremely happy at Barcelona, you know, as the third option behind Xavi and Iniesta. Can’t you shut your mouth and wait until Summer to try to unsettle him, at least? Don’t you have any loyalty to Arsene Wenger, the man who rescued your failure of a career?

Clearly not, which is why Hleb is a cunt.

Adebayor Spins in Togo’s Grave

I admire Adebayor, his waffling skils are unrivalled by any player in the world. What other player could retire one day and un-retire two days later.

Gallas Takes the Blame

And finally, William Gallas admitted that his sit-down protest at the death of the 2-2 draw away to Birmingham was the wrong thing to do. Well… that’s pretty incredible. It took you nearly a year to admit that? Come on Bill…


Let me axe you something

Arsene Wenger has promised to wield the axe ahead of tomorrow’s match with Porto and though I agree with the sentiment completely, I believe his hands are tied and he won’t be able to do anything significant.

Pretty much every Arsenal fan knows that Gallas is the one player who most needs a “rest:” his performances have been shockingly poor both individually and as captain. You need look no further than the defensive scramble that let Hull score their second goal to see what I’m talking about. I know, it’s popular to say that Gallas is “short” (he’s 5’11”, a mere 3 inches shorter than Daniel Cousin) and that’s why he concedes goals from corners but that’s a load of crap. Mr. Shortymcshorterson wins headers on the offensive end all the time and he wins headers in defense all the time, in fact (and I know I’ll get stick for this) he’s a better aerial player than Kolo Toure by leaps and bounds.

No, Gallas’ problem isn’t the fact that he’s an inch shy of the 6′ mark. Gallas’ problem is that he’s a reactor and not a planner. Watch the replay of Hull’s second goal, it looks to me like Gallas doesn’t want to mark Cousin — so, he’s trying to get someone else to do it when the ball’s played in and “oops” he’s out of position and Cousin scores while Gallas is leaping helplessly behind the ball. Leaders who are reactors can be very valuable because they are capable of rapid change when needed but if they start panicking then that’s when they lose the plot. Unfortunately, Gallas has started panicking, he started the trend last year at the end of the Birmingham game and it’s continuing into this year as has happened now three times this season.

Gallas has to be dropped for the Porto match tomorrow and I would go a step further and strip him of the captaincy — make him earn it back, like I did in boot camp. Stripping Gallas of his captaincy would cause a massive disruption on the team but I think that’s exactly what’s needed right now; people fighting to be leader and let the guy with the biggest balls win it. It remains to be seen if Wenger is willing to risk the facade of harmony he’s built this season, after all, Arsene Wenger is not a reactor, he’s a planner.

More than just Gallas, there are a lot of players who looked pretty ordinary on Saturday; van Persie, Denilson and Cesc could all use a “rest” as well. So too Theo has to be running out of steam and could use a day or two off, but let’s face facts, who will the boss bring on if all 5 players are dropped? Jack Wilshere? Song? Silvestre? Nope. Nope. Nope.

Wilshere is hungry but there’s no way the boss is putting a 16 year old in the cauldron that is the Champions League, so Cesc will start there. Song is injured, as the link above shows, so that means Denilson will start there because the only other option is the 17 year old Welsh wunderkind Ramsey. Nasri is back (yay) and so we might see Theo come off the bench not because he did poorly but rather because he’s played, like, every day for the last month.

That leaves just van Persie and one of the two central defenders as viable options. Replacing van Persie with Bendtner or even Vela isn’t that hard a decision but I wonder does Arsene have the balls to replace Gallas? I don’t think he does. If anyone in the central defense gets a rest it will probably be Toure.

We’ll see.

So, tomorrow is a bit hectic but I am going to have some time to catch the game. It’s live on Setanta at 11:30am local time which, as always, means a trip down to Doyle’s. Maybe I’ll see you down there? Until tomorrow.

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July 2020