Posts Tagged ‘Toure


Nobody told me there’d be days like these

That's SIR Ted to you, son. Now, where'd I put that alcohol related joke?

That's SIR Ted to you, son. Now, where'd I put that alcohol related joke?

Stop me if you’ve heard this one… Sir Edward Kennedy! That’s right, the Queen and Gordon Brown have conspired to give Teddy an honorary knighthood for all his work in Northern Ireland, in bringing health care to America, and.. um… bringing educations to the childrens. Huzzah!

But then in a cruel twist of fate, it turns out we’re not allowed to call him “Sir” because only British people can be called “Sir.”


So you make him a knight and then you’re all “oh but no calling him Sir” even though your own Prime Minister called him Sir Edward Kennedy? What was it, Sir for the day?

I’m sorry, but you gave him the title and I’m calling him Sir. If I have to call some horrible c*nt like Alex Ferguson “Sir” then I’m sure as hell calling lovable lush Ted Kennedy “Sir.” Besides, I earned that right when someone else’s forefathers kicked someone else’s forefathers British asses! I remember it from High School History, ‘Merica broke away from King George because we wanted lots of taxation, guns, free speech, no-knock searches, the price of tea in China, we were tired of being forced to house British troops, and we wanted the right to call each other Sir if we so choose. It’s in the constitution, it’s the 14th amendment, I think.

While all this Sir-a-baloo was going on Arsenal got handed a leg up in the race for our fourth place birthright when Man City conspired to beat Aston Villa 2-0. Am I the only one who thinks “Man City” is funny? Like maybe San Francisco should change its name to “Man City?”Anyway, erm, yes, Citeh beat Villa 2-0 and it sure looks like Villa is collapsing. Huzzah!

Yesterday’s collapse signaled all the “told you so” folks to prepare their long winded speeches about how us doom and gloomers were wrong and how they are always right and how we need to stand by our man (Wenger). Start prepping boys, I want some real fire and brimstone from you lot.

I’ll admit that it is a spectacular collapse and as I said nearly three weeks ago Einstürzende Aston Villa has a bit of a rough patch coming up schedule wise — facing all the other top teams in the next few weeks — while Arsenal has a bit of an easy patch coming up. In their next four matches Einstürzende Aston Villa face a resurgent and hungry Tottenham, Liverpool at fortress Anfield, Man U at Old Trafford, and an angry Everton. Arsenal on the other hand face Blackburn, Newcastle, Citeh, and Wigan.  Arsenal are on  a 14 match unbeaten run, Villa have taken just 5 points from their last 5 matches. Anything could happen but I have to think that Arsenal’s luck is about to change and that 3 point difference is about to be erased. Huzzah!

It doesn’t hurt that Sir Theo Walcott and Sir Eduardo might be fit enough to play against Burnley on Sunday and thereafter provide Arsene with some much needed depth and pace in attack. Just having the option to put Theo on rather than Eb*ue is enough to get me all excited about the run in to the end of the season.

In other injury news, Toure is being ruled out for Sunday but Gallas is being ruled in. Adebayor is out for another two matches. Cesc isn’t being touted as coming back any time soon (how much you wanna bet he’s a surprise inclusion for the Roma match?) and Rosicky has dropped off the radar completely (April was last word on him). Can’t wait for them all to be healthy and kicking butt in time for our sticky patch in the Premier League. Huzzah!

And finally, I’m not going to rub in the story about Cesc saying if Wenger leaves he leaves, what’s the point? Rather, I’d like to point out that Ashley Cole is the only person in the history of mankind to get arrested for being drunk and disorderly at a charity event.



A  knighthood for Sir Teddy Kennedy, Villa close the gap between Arsenal and their 4th place birthright to 3 points, good news on the injury list with Sirs Theo and Eduardo returning, and Ashley Cole getting arrested at a charity event.

Now, if the youngsters can top off the day with a FA Youth Cup win against old rivals Tottenham we can all exclaim Huzzah!


Good news on Eduardo

Arsene Wenger thinks Arsenal’s Crozilian goal poacher, Eduardo, could be playing “competitive football” again as soon as mid-November. Obviously, this is great news. Also obviously, with all the strikers that this team currently has I fully expect him to be brought back into the team VERY SLOWLY. There is absolutely no reason to rush Eduardo back into the team when we are loaded with Walcott, Vela, van Persie, Bendtner, and Adebayor. And the boss has said as much:

What I mean by competitive football is joining in completely with a normal training session. After that he has to come back to match-fitness. But he is ahead of where we expected him to be and that is fantastic news

So, he won’t be in the red and white in mid-November but what this does signal is that this long nightmare for Eduardo may be coming to a close. Fingers crossed.

More good news is that both Gallas and Toure will be available for the West Ham clash on Sunday. Sure, Sagna is not scheduled to return until Wednesday against Spuds which is a bit of a disappointment but after Song’s dreadful performance against a mediocre Fenerbahce squad, I can confidently state that I will be excited to see Gallas in defense (now I need to take a shower.)

It can’t all be roses, can it? There’s also some bad news; the boss has clarified that the Goal-Scoring-Elf (Rosicky) is not really progressing as they had hoped and will be out until January… at least.

Thought you all should know, now back to work!


I’m officially worried

The squad was announced ahead of tomorrow’s match and normally I don’t do an extra blog but this is big enough news that I feel like I need to share it right away. It was revealed today that Toure, Senderos, Nasri, and Fabregas all picked up injuries and will be unavailable for the match tomorrow. Add them to Eduardo, Diaby, Rosicky, and Song and I think we can confidently say (with 8 players out) that this is a thin squad. At least Wenger sees the humor in the situation when he says that we have a “big squad at home.” Har har Arsene.

The squad was named and the boss has said that Ramsey is likely to start; if he doesn’t pick up an injury tonight somehow. For the record, Arsenal are starting a 17 year old in a crucial Champions League qualifying away match against a hungry team with a hungry manager. A 17 year old who’s closest experience at this level is a cameo during an FA Cup semi-final.

It’s official, I’m getting worried.

Arsenal squad
Bacary SAGNA
William GALLAS
Justin HOYTE
Kieran GIBBS
Emmanuel EBOUE
Carlos VELA

The lineup will probably be:

Sagna, Djourou, Gallas, Clichy

Eboue, Denilson, Ramsey, Walcott

van Persie, Adebayor

I could also see the boss playing a sort of 4-3-3 with Walcott up front since that’s what he played last week against Juventus.

What else is there to say?  Up the Arse!


I feel the pain here in my house

ugh… Doyle’s FC had our second practice yesterday and I don’t feel too good. First, we played on a frozen pitch. Which, while there were moments of comedy gold, was overall very un-fun. Second, I took two tumbles on the ice and now I’m in a lot of pain. The first tumble was just a straight professional foul and no real harm done except to make me wet and muddy and cold. The second came when I chased down an errant header from the other side’s defense and was fully off the ground and ready to lash the volley home when a third player came crashing in to me, his knee to the thigh, my other knee to the frozen ground. Holy crap this hurts. Any ideas on what I should do to make this better are gladly accepted. I already cleaned the sand out of my vagina and that’s not helping at all, so I’m looking for ideas other than ones that mention sand and my vagina — please.

In real football news, Arsenal have reportedly had their bid accepted for Johnathan Woodgate. Now just to be clear, Tottenham and Newcastle have admitted that they bid £8m for Woody and Middlesborough confirmed that there is a “third club” who also bid £8m. This third club is rumored to be Arsenal. So, from what I understand, based on the English press — which is notoriously accurate, all three bids are equal and Johnathan Woodgate is now deciding which team to go to.

There was a lot of chatter last season about Arsenal possibly bringing Woody in and I had my reservations then and I still have them now. I remember his first match back in the EPL after we were linked to him and how I thought he looked rather ordinary. Almost immediately after, I think he spent the next several months on the injured list. That pretty much sums up my reservations about Woody.

That said, I have to be fair to the cat. He could do a good job for Arsenal. It’s pretty clear that they need cover at center back (with Djourou and Toure both injured) and as long as he’s not expected to be the first choice he could do the job. But for £8m?

So, I wrote this whole thing and then Wenger comes out and refutes it explicitly. Awesome. I guess Wenger had reservations about Woody as well!

In actual team news ahead of Tuesday’s match, le boss says that Rosicky, Toure and van Persie should be back much sooner than previously thought. Great. See, Arsenal don’t need that piece of shit Johnathan Woodgate, let him go to Spuds! Also, Almunia and Sagna will be back in for tomorrow’s match.  That means that tomorrow should see a pretty full squad and 3 points in the bag, right?

Finally, we’ve got FA Cup news.  First, if you were wondering why Lehmann was playing yesterday, it’s because the boss has promised the FA Cup matches to him.  Which means he has at least one more match in an Arsenal uniform.  And that match will be at Old Trafford to take on Man U.   Good luck Jens!  Some part of me suspects Jens will revert to his bat-shit insane form under the glaring lights.  Red card?  hmmm.  no.  I’m going to say  that Ronaldo will go to take one of those stuttery, cunty, cheeky penalty kicks and Jens will just run out of the goal, tackle him American style, pins his arms, and try to drink his blood.  Should be fun to watch.

So, Arsenal won Man U, and meanwhile Liverpool and Chelsea take on Barnsley and Huddersfield.  yeap.  That’s about right, it’s never an easy road to the FA cup and Arsenal would probably have had to play Man U eventually.  Best to get it out of the way now.

That’s all I’m doing today.  My legs hurt and I have to go to work in the snow.  So, until tomorrow, keep kicking!

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