Posts Tagged ‘Did I mention Arshavin?

26
Jan
09

Liveblogging the Andrei Arshavin deal deadline

Today is Arsenal’s self imposed deadline for something to happen in the Andrei Arshavin transfer deal. Follow along with me as I obsessively hit “refresh” in my Google Reader, hoping for a nibble of fact in this deal.

6:10 am — ZOMG HAVE YOU HEARD??? Charlie N’Zogbia, who has been angling for a transfer to Arsenal for the last 4 years, has told the world that he would rather play for Aston Villa, because they are going to win the Champions League or something. This is proof for the doom and gloomers that Arsenal are going to miss out on recruiting “top players” and start the downward spiral toward empty stadiums and relegation. No news on Arshavin.

6:12 am — No news on Arshavin.

6:15 am — SPUDS SIGN CUDICHINI!!! Another top player that Arsenal have missed out on. No news on Arshavin.

6:18 am — I should give this mess an intro… done. No Arshavin news.

6:21 am — I have to get ready for work. The FA 5th round draw has been made and if we can get past Cardiff we’ll either face Jay Simpson with WBA or Carling Cup nemesis Burnley. Funny how that works, eh?

6:24 am — nietski newski Arshavin

6:26 am — Philippe Senderos played a whole 90 minutes for AC Milan: I heard his performance was a bunch of Bologna. Uhhh, all the other kids on loan played too, no one scored or did anything spectacular.

6:35 am — @leon, yes, the deadline is Monday, today is Monday! Did you guys hear that Arsenal supporters had a stand off with Cardiff supporters after the FA Cup match? What decade is this?

6:38 am — OMG ARSHAVIN NEWS… Zenit have abandonded their £20m overvaluation of Arshavin and the teams are “locked in talks.” Maybe Wenger heard all of your frustrations about how spending the extra few Million won’t break the bank?

6:43 am — Dan in the comments mentions that the deal is being reported “good as done” in the Russian press. Too bad I don’t speak Russian. :(

6:45 am — I scooped L’Equipe! No Arshavin News, in English.  Also, I went to that Russian newspaper link that Dan supplied and then on to another link and got this (edited for content):

nooooooooooo

THANKS FOR NOTHING DAN.

6:51 am — got to go to work, will check my Google Reader when I get there. How many of you use Google Reader? No Arshavin News.

7:45 am — dang, it’s freezing out here, took me 10 minutes just to warm the car up for my 10 minute drive to work! No Arshavin news, but the comedy of Spurs just keeps delivering; looks like they have signed Chimbonda back from Sunderland. This confirms, what? That Spuds are bat-shit crazy? Who’s next on Spurs “Oh crap we screwed up” transfer list? Gazza?

8:06 am — HA! Not Gazza, Keane! I don’t know, I couldn’t make up something that funny. I just hope Liverpool charge Spuds like £25m for him. Since Arsenal are not doing anything, I have to wonder, does it get any better than watching our North London “rivals” try to assemble the “dream team” that got them to the lofty heights of 5th place 2 years ago and 11th place last year? I say no, it doesn’t.

8:17 am — @Patrick, the odds are 100% that Arsenal supporters will find something to whine about regardless of what happens with this deal. Wenger could buy the entire Man U squad and supporters would complain about something: “Ronaldo doesn’t look like he’s giving 100%! Sell him to Real!”

9:02 am — “first again” goonerforum is recylcing reports that I have seen other places that has Usmanov buying Arshavin. This is not news, this is speculation, news happens when the club report Arshavin has signed.  Also, goonerforum should get their own look — The funny thing about them is that I think they wanted to do a link exchange but I found their content to be, well, stupid.

10:48 am — ArSHAVIN NEWS! Dangit, no it’s not… ESPNSoccernet is reporting the quotes that were attributed to Andrei earlier in the week in a cheap stunt to try to generate hits, just like I’ve been doing! HA HA I scooped ESPN!

10:54 am — Setanta has reported that they will be showing the Arsenal – Cardiff replay on Tuesday the 3rd of Feb.

10:58 am — Micah Richards is denying that he’s coming to Arsenal. There was a ton of speculation that the England CB was the target of Arsene during the summer when he made his famous remarks about “getting someone from the EPL” which turned out to be a failed bid for Alonso. I’m not sure how I feel about Richards, on the one hand I’ve always though he sucked. On the other hand, he’s sucked even more this year than any other. Now would be the perfect time to land him, because I doubt he could possibly suck any more than he does now!

3:37 pm — HOLY CRAP!!!! I’ve been gone all day “working” and suddenly check my gReader an WHAM Shitanta is reporting that Arsenal and Zenit have agreed to terms and all that is left is for Arshavin and Arsenal to agree to terms… {record scratch} what? That’s not right. That’s not what anyone has been saying all along, Arshavin has been saying all along that he’s already agreed to terms and that the clubs need to agree. What kind of football jokers are these Zenit people?

GOD DAMNIT this is going to last longer than a bad case of crabs, innit?

My inside source tells me that Arsneal threw in two black players as a makeweight and that Zenit was so horrified by this prospect that they cut the deal down to £8m. Or maybe I made that last bit up.

Anyway “full” analysis of this massively important and ground breaking development in the morning, I got more stuff to do.

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21
Dec
08

Arsenal v. Liverpool; liveblogging the first half

“Change of plans… LEG IT!” — Dave “Cinzano Bianco” Lister

Well, it snowed, a lot and the roads around my house are completely covered in a nice layer of snow, with a nice thick layer of ice as the base.

I’m going no where. :(

That said, I haven’t lost power and I have a line on a truckload of wood (that’s why god made Craigslist). So, I’m going to hunker down, watch the game on FSC and give my loyal reader (Hi Matt) a blow by blow. Get your mind out of the gutter, you cocksandwich.

Ahead of the match there’s some talk about Arsenal signing Andrei Arshavin. Now I know I promised not to talk about transfers, but you don’t understand. Just mentioning Andrei Arshavin, Andrei Arshavin, Arshavin,  Arshavin, gets me like eleventy billion hits.

But seriously, I will be very disappointed if Wenger gave £20m to that racist ass Zenit team for a cup tied Andrei Arshavin. There have to be equally good, better conditioned, non-cup tied players available for less money.

As everyone is pointing out, with the Villa win yesterday putting them in 3rd place, the Villa game upcoming on Boxing Day, and 4th place Man U a mere 2 points ahead of Arsenal but with two games in hand, this is the make or break match of the season.

Yeah, I know, if Arsenal slip 11 points behind Liverpool with a loss today, the boss will point out how the 1997/98 Gunners came from 11 points behind to beat defending champs Man U but in reality that seems highly unlikely. Someone on this team would have to break out of their shell and become PFA player of the year for that to happen.

Ok.. HEY! Good news, Rafa is still recovering from his kidney stone surgery and won’t be able to make it. Now, if only Gerrard and Alsonso and Mascherano could all be out…

I’ll be back when the lineups are announced.

Squads:

Arsenal: Almunia, Sagna, Djourou, Gallas, Clichy, Denilson, Fabregas, Song Billong, Nasri, Adebayor, Van Persie. Subs: Fabianski, Diaby, Vela, Ramsey, Silvestre, Wilshere, Eboue.
Liverpool: Reina, Arbeloa, Carragher, Agger, Insua, Kuyt, Leiva Lucas, Alonso, Riera, Gerrard, Keane. Subs: Cavalieri, Hyypia, Benayoun, Babel, Ngog, Plessis, El Zhar.

No Mascherano but as I expected, Keane gets the nod… damn.

The guys lineup and shake hands, those grey Liverpool kits are about as ugly as a kit can get.

3′ — tense opening minutes, with both sides content to sit back and crowd the midfield.

4′ — Webb is inserting himsefl into the fixture very early. I think he’s called 5 fouls already, mostly in favor of Arsenal.

7′ — 10th foul, van Persie has a mowhawk. Unless you are 38 years old or older, you shouldn’t have a mowhawk.

10′ — the crowd is up and screaming as Keane is played onside by a wandering Clichy and lays the ball off for a Gerrard shot. Easy save for Almunia but disasterous communication on defense as Clichy makes his first gaffe of this game. Come on Clichy, get your head in the game.

14′ — Clichy wastes a great opportunity. GET IN THE GAME BOYS.

17′ — I think Arsenal is playing a 4-5-1 with van Persie playing a very deep, defensive role.

20′ — Keane gets a yellow for an over the top tackle. It could have been a red. Clichy is slow to get up. Would Silvestre come in?  Yep, he’s warming up in his goose down.

24′ — ROBIN! van Persie shows his class and strength as he fights off Carragher to win a Nasri pass, chests it down and powers in a shot with his Chocolate Leg.  Great goal, great goal.

27′ — Keane is giving everyone fits back there. He’s got a lot to prove and he’s really putting a physical stamp on this game. Also, ladies and gentlement, Expobill is is in the house!  Welcome, Bill.

30′  — mesmerizing play from Arsenal leads to nothing. Come on boys, have a crack! Also, I want to point out that Song is having a good game, watch him.

39′ — Sorry, I had daddy duties. Not much happened anyway. Denilson is having a tough match and Adebayor picks up a yellow card for a very light foul. That’s a Webb v. Arsenal yellow if I ever saw one.

42′ — Arsenal are struck playing their “8 men in the opponent’s box ball holdery bullshit.” And of course, it’s Keane. F*cking hell.

45′ — Liverpool have belief, they are shooting from all over the pitch, Arsenal are in disarray.

The half time whistle couldn’t have come at a better time. Cesc limps off anf that has to be a concern. I know that Wenger wants to play “attacking football” but why is it that we need to attack with 8 men? WITH THE LEAD??? Maybe we could, you know, keep Sagna back or something? Or attack with 6 men, or play the long ball against them, you know, we have the lead.

Not any more. 1-1 and it could have been 1-2 if Gerrard had just a little better final touch today. So far, we’re seeing that “typical Arsenal” and I hope the manager has a solution at half time.

Second half over here.

17
Dec
08

Gallas loses his joie de vivre, Eduardo finds it.

Good morning, I hope everything is going well with you wherever you are. Here it is “snowing” and “freezing” which actually means that we have had weather below 40F and there was a 1/4″ of snow. This in turn means that the men who typically wear shorts all “winter” will have to bust out their extra long pair of shorts. It’s a tragedy and I’m prepared for the Governor to declare a national emergency at any moment.

Meanwhile, on a foggy night in London’s Underhill sports complex, an Arsenal reserve side featuring the long awaited return of Eduardo da Silva took on some kind of Portsmouth team and won 2-0. I will be the first to admit that when I saw the score line I fully expected to see Eduardo’s name next to at least one of the goals, but it wasn’t to be. In fact, he only played 45 minutes because he tweaked his hamstring, which puts him out for two weeks. His hope is to return for the FA cup match in January, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see the man out of the first team until the Spurs match in February.

Reports indicate that he looked pretty good out there which is to be expected since hopes are high at the moment and any flaws were bound to be overlooked as the halcyon glow of a triumphant return clouded minds (and even lenses). I’ll just say that Eduardo is a tremendous talent, a relentless finisher, and a key asset to Arsenal’s title aspirations. Whether he plays or not is probably irrelevant as his long journey back should provide an emotional lift to a team that are struggling under the weight of all our expectations magnified by the constant roil of the London press. Despite the odds, Eduardo never gave up, he wants to play football, he loves playing football; how is that not inspirational?

Unfortunately, given the fact that Arsenal play 1st place Litterpool on Sunday and 4th place Aston Villa away on Boxing Day this team will need to stay in the title race without him on the pitch. So, let’s hope the emotional lift is enough to sustain the team until we can get him back and scoring goals.

Transfers

Much speculation is surrounding both Gallas and Bendtner with Italian clubs supposedly interested in both players.

Juve is reportedly interested in Gallas and Arsenal is reportedly asking for Chiellini in return. This deal will not happen.

First, Juve would be fools to take a head case like Gallas. He’s a good defender but there’s something wrong with him emotionally: he’s the guy who sent Arsenal into a tailspin last year with his Birmingham sit-in and he’s the guy who sent Arsenal into a tailspin this year with the Tottenham half-time bust up. If there’s a shit-storm at Arsenal over the last two years, William Gallas always seems to be at the eye. Who wants that on their team?

Second, I’ve watched Serie A football now for a couple of months, usually while typing the Sunday blog — NOW I’M AN EXPERT ON THE TOPIC, and compared to the EPL, the Serie A is a walk in the park. Contact is basically forbidden, movement is minimal, the pace is insanely slow, and since every team is leaking goals at rate that would embarrass even Arsenal, defenders aren’t really asked to do much.

Add in the favorable tax breaks, the good weather, the food, and the fact that English women have filthy vaginas (hey, don’t kill the messenger) and I seriously doubt that many Italian players want to come to England.

I do see Gallas leaving, but rather than bring in some big name, I’d bet Wenger recalls Senderos. Now, put aside your prejudices against the man and think about it… ok, it’s crazy but exactly the kind of thing Wenger would do. And you know Senderos would be happy to play backup, he’s done it before so don’t be surprised if you see big Phil back in the red and white!

The other speculation is that Inter are lining up a bid for Bendtner.

He would fit right in with the slow pace, deliberate style, and outright laziness of Inter.

The huge transfer story of the morning, though, is that Diarra got his wish and used Pompey as a stepping stone to a bigger club, with Real Madrid reportedly offering somewhere between $13.5m – $36m (£9m – £24m) for his services. This is really a crazy story. I know that a lot of us Arsenal supporters had a real hard on for Diarra after he put in, like one good performance in the Carling Cup but is he really one of the top 3 or 4 holding midfielders in the world? A guy who couldn’t get a game over Flamini, a player who now sits on the bench at AC Milan, is suddenly worth 6 times what Portsmouth paid for him? I guess he did play on a team that won the FA cup, so that must explain it.

Seriously, Diarra is a fine player who reminds me of a sort of poor man’s Makalele, mostly due to his short stature and the fact that he plays in the same position and not because he’s a proven winner.  He has a good engine and what he lacks in passing and offensive awareness he makes up for in hard work. Arsenal could certainly use him right now, but he’s no £20m player. If he’s worth £20m, you can forget about Arsenal buying anyone who has ever accomplished anything ever again. I mean come on, Arsenal wouldn’t pay £18m for Xavi Alonso, who has won a lot of silverware against the world’s best players.

What’s also strange is that as talented as he is on the pitch, he’s the world’s least trustworthy player off the pitch. Everywhere he goes he’s always angling for a new deal with another team and as soon as he signs he’s quick to rip his old team.

Huh… in a certain way, he reminds me a lot of Gallas: he’s at the eye of every shit-storm. Again, why would you want a guy like that on your team?

The only part of this story that makes me mad is that Arsenal didn’t get paid $30m to offload him! Oh well.

And finally, I would be remiss if I talked about transfers and didn’t mention Andre “the great hype” Arshavin and his possibly transfer to Arsenal. He’s not coming to Arsenal and I don’t want him.

This whole saga is just comedic. This is a player who may be the most overrated player in modern history. A guy who’s sole claim to fame is one good game in Euro 2008 and a UEFA Cup!

I’m glad he’s not coming to Arsenal. In fact, I would be pissed if Arsenal did business with that club. Zenit St. Petersburg should not be allowed to play sanctioned football while their coach talks openly about discriminating against black players because the racist ass fans would riot much less be allowed to do business in the transfer market. If Arsenal ever gave them a dime while they had an open policy of racial discrimination I would be shocked and dismayed.

Ok, long post but that’s because I got up early when the baby started crying — no William Gallas was not spending the night, I have an actual live 7 month old baby that cries at night.  William Gallas is a 31 year old baby that cries at night.

See the difference?

06
Oct
08

I cut myself Arshavin

My neck hurts, my ego hurts, and I just don’t think I can do it any more. I think I have to quit playing competitive football. I don’t mean stop having kick arounds or 5-a-sides, I mean sprinting 100 yards, turning around sprinting another 100 yards only to be beaten by a woman 10 years your younger in front of friends and family. In fact, the only reason to finish out this season would be to exact some type of revenge against the cock sandwiches (the bad kind) who beat us mercilessly yesterday, and if I did that I might “accidentally” hurt someone. No, it’s best if I just hang up my boots and just kick around with the old people on Sundays.

Maybe I can get a job as a local football announcer now that I’ve “retired?” Either that or car salesman.

What a drag it is getting old.

Ugh

Let’s see, what news is there for me to crack jokes about…

The Thomas Rosicky Return Clock seems to be counting in the wrong direction. Now the club is hopeful he’ll return in January and if he suffers any further setbacks? The rumor is that they will rest him for the remainder of the year.

There’s the eye-rolling-story-of-the-year, that somehow Patrick Vieira would return to the EPL and play for Roy Keane at Sunderland. The only way those two are getting within 10 yards of each other is in one of those Celebrity Boxing matches — which I’d pay to see!

One of the funniest things I’ve ever heard: Joe Kinnear’s x-rated rant (Not Safe For Work) as read by some speech reading software. You know, I have access to this kind of software, I wonder what the blog would sound like as read by one of those? Hmmm… I’d need some more colorful language.

Adebayor is tired of waiting for airplanes. No, wait, he’s retiring from international football to concentrate on Arsenal, that’s the ticket. This stunning development means that Arsene will now have three people to work with for the next two weeks: Ade, Denilson, and Almunia.

Finally… The Andrei Arshavin saga continues to play out with the player now completely rejecting a move to Hotspuds. The rumor being spread by his agent is that a “top four” club are going to buy him for $40m. Well, let’s parse this out, shall we? First, his racist ass club are refusing to let him go for less than $40m and they have oil money to back them up so they aren’t going to cave on this demand. I’d argue that that price tag completely rules him out of a transfer to Arsenal, except that Arsene is acting kind of erratically right now. Who knows, maybe Arsenal is interested. Second, Man U is not interested, where would they play him? Third, Liverpool are broke, even if they wanted him they couldn’t raise the money. Fourth, Chelsea seem the likeliest candidates as they have a lunatic Russian in charge who has a proven prediliction for paying over the odds for overrated players. They also have a great love for stocking their bench with all stars, which was basically the Mourinho method of winning 17 League Cups and Charity Shields or whatever it was that Chelsea won: that all star isn’t working, OK, let’s throw on some other all star! It was sheer genius.  I say it’s Chelsea, because only they have the salary to throw around (in the form of debt!) and the $40m (in the form of debt!) to pay his racist ass club, and the desire to stock their bench with the world’s most overrated players.

Anyway, I hope lots of people click on the blog today because I used the word Arshavin, it’s my number one search term, you know.

Until tomorrow, you cock sandwiches (the good kind!)




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