Posts Tagged ‘David Bentley


One day at a time

Up next, the boys travel to the Hawthorns to take on relegation bound West Bromwich Albion. Currently the worst team in the EPL, by any measure, Arsenal have to be looking at Tuesday and hoping that WBA will provide the cure for our ills.

West Brom won’t be impossibly easy, like playing Arsenal on your XBox or something, but this match will certainly garner Arsenal 3 points. I’m not being over-confident here, because it’s impossible to be over-confident against a team as poor as West Brom. Arsenal are going to win this game, no doubt. If you can watch the match, go watch it, it will give you confidence in the club and I’ll put money on us coming out with a 3-0 win.

I’m confident not from some irrational place but because the things I’m hearing from Arsenal are all very positive. First, Wenger is clearly pissed about what happened with Fulham, responding to the question he stated flatly

I want to win the games and, when we don’t win the games, it’s disappointing. You know how much I want to get into the Champions League. For me, it is not important – it is vital – but you can only play your games and try to win them. I want to be in the Champions League because it’s the best I can be. If I’m not then I’m not happy – it’s as simple as that. You don’t play football to be average. I don’t manage in the game to be average, and the players want to play at the top.

He even went further, when asked what he thought of the fans booing him off the pitch he said

I don’t know whether supporters are losing faith. That is not my worry. What is important is that we show great attitude and do our job as well as we can. Fans turning on me doesn’t worry me, no. Not at all.

Those are both very positive signs. In the first statement you see that the hunger is still there and manifesting itself as an anger. If he unleashes that on the team then I expect them to come out and simply pound West Brom tomorrow. In the second statement, you see his confidence and professionalism. Again, if he turns this on the team they might have their pride pricked and again, that’s exactly what they need.

Did I say 3-0? I meant 6-0!

Ok, all kidding aside, I do think the next match holds something spectacular for us as Arsenal supporters. This squad is going to be up for this game and I expect they will play with Roma-esque fervor. If you remember, Arsenal could have easily won that Roma match 4 or 5 nil, so while 6-0 is me joking around, I really do believe we’ll see at least 2 Arsenal goals, if not more.

The signs that the team are already soaking in this new message are starting to show as well. Arshaviour gave an interview yesterday in which he spoke about the players ambition and the direction the team are headed. I’m not going to include the quotes here because they are in broken English, but the point is that the team feels the pain of this slip in form, acutely.

Good. They should. Something needs to kick them in the ass, I don’t care what it is at this point. Just get it done, take back our Champions League spot. Show us all that we’re wrong. I love being proved wrong.

Some other stories this morning made me laugh. “United to win the quint!” was the first. I was sitting here wonder what the 5th trophy was? FA Cup… Carling Cup… Champions League… Premiership… uhhh… Emirates Cup? Uhhh… Charity Shield? Wait… Club World Championship? LOL. If you’re going to count that, why not throw in the Charity Shield and say United are on target for the sextuple?

Sextuple… I don’t know, that word makes me giggle.

It is an incredible run by United right now, they have basically won every trophy they put foot in since they got knocked out of the FA Cup by Pompey.  They have won 5 on the trot right now and look nigh unstoppable to win several more. It must be seen as vindication for the club standing by Fergie when his squad was so low just a few years ago and people were calling for Fergie’s head.

I wonder if there’s a lesson there for us and Wenger?

There was a bit of schadenfreude in that cup final when Bentley took a gamble on his penalty kick and came up craps. If asked before the match who I want to win between Man U and Tottenham I would have said “I’d like it if David Bentley did something spectacularly dreadful, like miss a penalty, the shit talking little weasel.”

I got my wish!

Now, if I could just get my wish tomorrow against Albion we’ll see a 6-0 to the Arsenal!

See you then.


The Ministry of Preposterous Pronouncements

Good morning Kickers, it’s Thursday and apart from some UFIA Cup matches between some of the worst teams in Europe there’s nothing going on. No injury news (thank the Gods), no team news, nothing, just a bunch of footballers who’ve had their say after this week’s action. Given all that I thought I’d try a new column, an occasional column about all the bat-shit insane things that footballers say and believe. Thus, today’s blog is the first ever installment of the “Ministry of Preposterous Pronouncements.”

First up is Arsenal’s future England number one, who, coming off a game in which he let in two goals and was lucky not to let in more, is quoted as saying that the match against Fenerbahce “seemed like a training game” and, he went on “Personally I had a strange feeling, everything seemed much easier than normal in the Champions League.” Maybe this is the lesson he’s learning from that new age book “The Secret:” no matter what happens, stay insanely positive!

My loyal reader knows that I couldn’t possibly write a Ministry of Preposterous Pronouncements and not include something from both David Bentley and Joey Barton, so…

Fresh off a 74 day stay in the Crossbar hotel for brutally beating a stranger on the streets of Liverpool while drunk, ready to make an appearance after serving his 6 match ban for brutally beating his teammate while sober, and 10 months without a drink, Joey Barton is ready to “be a shining beacon for kids who have been in trouble like myself.” Frankly, the repentant Joey was doing just fine until he started talking about being a light unto the world. He was saying all the right things, he seems to be apologetic, truly remorseful for what he’s done, but then he starts talking about how he’s special and he can reach the unreachables because he’s a common thug and the Beckham’s and the Owens’ aren’t. Please, Joey, it was at least partially your ego that got you into this trouble, that would be one of the first things I’d work on if I was you. Trust me, as an American, I know a thing or two about an over-inflated sense of self.

Meanwhile over at Spurs, the once cock-sure David Bentley is suddenly, erm, unsure of what he or any of his teammates are doing.

It’s been shocking. It’s been difficult, especially for me. I wasn’t enjoying it. We’ve not been together; we didn’t know where people were running, what people were doing. But I think we’re slowly starting to get settled.

I love that he’s able to turn Spurs’ team tragedy into an opus on him. You know, all the losing and suckage, it’s been hard on the fans and all, but it’s been real hard on him. He’s not enjoying this period.  I wonder if he is still looking forward to the North London derby in two weeks?

But not to be outdone by one of his brace of overrated Englishmen, Spuds chairman Levy is set to unveil his cunning new plan: fire Comolli and build the biggest stadium in the Coca-Cola Championship! You really think 60,000 people are going to show up to watch your team crash and burn every week? Are there 60,000 people who love to watch a team fail to qualify for Europe and blame it on the lasagna?

Actually, I take it back, more power to them, build a 100,000 seat arena you’ll need it when you finally spring your fiendish plot to “break into the top four.”

Ok, well, see that was an easy blog. I’ll have to take people’s quotes and paste them on here more often!

See you tomorrow.


The new David Bentley

Welcome back, kickers. I took the day off yesterday because I woke up at 8am and felt like utter death. My friend was on a brief leave from his military training and of course we had to go out: this meant copious quantities of beer, shots of booze, more beer, more booze, and so on. I swear, I’m never drinking again…

So, stop me if you’ve heard this one; promising young English Arsenal player, has a serious attitude problem, quits the academy and is courted by Blackburn and Tottenham. That’s right, 7amkickoff’s perennial whipping boy and failed professional gambler David Bentley has made the news again. As it turns out the Arsenal academy has a kid in it named Jason Banton, this kid has already once quit the academy — in order to join Tottenham — and is reportedly ready to quit again, for Blackburn.

Well, he’s got balls that’s for sure. But seriously, I hate to break it to you Jason, but if you were really good enough, you would have already had a chance with the first team. Enjoy your time on the bench in Blackburn.

Meanwhile, Ashley Cole is making the news rounds this morning because of his poor performance at Wembley on Saturday and the subsequent hails of boos that rained down on him after his gaffe. Oddly, the press make it out that it’s the way he left Arsenal that caused this latest round of hatred but I don’t see it that way: that’s just the press typically whipping up anti-Arsenal hatred. No, his disgraceful departure from the Arsenal was simply the story that kicked off his infamy. It’s was his shameful actions against referee Mike Riley last season that I think is the real cause of this latest enmity. The press would like to paint fan hatred of Cole as if he were the icon of greed in the EPL but that’s not even logical: his teammate and overrated midfielder Mr. Badge Kisser pulled a huge flip-flop this summer in order to get Chelsea to pay him $1m a week or whatever he earns. If anyone is the icon of greedy footballer it’s Frank Lampard. No, I think the fans hate Ashley Cole because he’s the icon of disrespectful modern footballers. I kind of wish he was available for selection against Belarus, just to hear more boos rain down on him. He deserves it.

Speaking of England v. Belarus, Theo Walcott had the most disgraceful game of his short career and probably won’t be allowed to ever touch a football again, at least that’s the story I’m getting. I watched the England v. Borat game and I thought he did very well. Coming off that hat trick the expectations were insanely high but he started very well, got plenty of free kicks, defended well, and even put in a cross that Heskey should have put in the goal except that Heskey hasn’t scored a goal in any competition since 1988. Man, you England fans are frickin nuts, why don’t you just appreciate what you have?

Appreciating what I have is what I’m trying to do with Arsenal! Now, let’s see… we have… two injured central defenders (Djourou and Gallas) and a halfling who claims that size doesn’t matter. YAY! First, it’s a little early to say that Gallas and Djourou are crocked, both of them are going to sit out their mid-week internationals and then fly back to Arsenal where they will receive a fitness test no doubt. Second, Kolo makes a great point

When you consider set-pieces, it’s not just the centre backs – it’s everybody who has to defend.

He’s right, Bendtner has been at fault several times in defense of set pieces and why isn’t Adebayor winning the ball? Most of the problems come from lack of organization: both of the headed goals seemed to come when the defense was scrambling to figure out marking. That’s the captain’s job and I don’t care if he was 7’2″ it wouldn’t change the fact that Gallas isn’t a very good captain. So, I agree with you Kolo, why don’t you step up and help organize? You’re the co-captain, right?

Finally, there was a brief story and I don’t want to get too excited about it until we see something solid, but it looks like Alisher Usmanov may be close to ending his interest in Arsenal. Even the fact that this story is being reported should be proof enough that he was never really interested in the club, but only wanted to leech off our support: as if you needed “proof” after all the stuff we’ve been through with him. No, this was always going to be the outcome. In some sense, I feel bad for Usmanov, because I think he was the victim of David Dein’s machinations. I would not be surprised at all to learn that Dein manipulated Usmanov with promises of riches and glory at Arsenal in order to sell his stock for $150m. That’s all speculation, mind you, and we’ll have to wait until Usmanov or Dein writes his tell-all book. I suspect it will be Dein and it will be called “If I did it, here’s how I would have done it: how to bilk a billionaire and get away Scott free.”

See you tomorrow.


3-1 to the Arsenal! Plus, get a free shirt?

Arsenalist, as usual, has the best highlights from yesterday’s game and I’ve linked to one here (above) as the teaser for this article.  It’s the second goal of the match, where Vela chips to Bendtner, who heads the ball to himself, and then clips the ball past Lehmann for a goal.  You have to watch the whole video to see that Bendtner gets a foot on the ball to score the goal because for me, at first glance it looked like he had gotten lucky and kneed the ball in.  But no, that was all skill, baby.

Arsenalist also has a video of Jack Wilshire’s goal and you should check it out just to see Clichy set him up.

Afterwards the boss was effusive about the young players.

It is good for the confidence to win here and you could see that the young players did well again tonight. I believe the strikers have shown it can work. Vela is a little bit like Eduardo da Silva, and Nicklas we already know from the end of last season is a very powerful striker. They both did very well.

And with that, Wenger closed the book on Arsenal signing a striker this year.  Adebayor, Bendtner, Vela, Eduardo, van Persie, and Walcott are all that the club needs according to the boss.  Given these performances so far, it looks like Wenger might be right.

Speaking of Adebayor, he, along with Nasri, RvP, and Gallas (as captain), got his first start of the pre-season for Arsenal yesterday.  Reports are that Ade looked sluggish and tired while constantly being flagged for offsides during an ineffectual 45 minutes.  No doubt the boss will have him running full bore in no time; though it remains to be seen if he can cure his chronic offsidedness.  The only question that remains is, if last year’s performance by Adebayor warrants a 300% increase in salary, how much of a discount do we get for yesterday?

In all seriousness, I have to give the big fella some credit because after what he’s put the fans and club through with this summer’s stupidity it takes a lot of balls to go out there and play.  A lesser man might have feigned injury or some such (ahem *Campbell*) to get out of playing.  My advice to Ade is, keep your mouth shut, practice, get fit, and score goals and you’ll have the Arsenal fans back in your pocket in no time.

So far, the pre-season has been very good.  We’ve seen the emergence of Vela and Bendtner who have shined alongside the brilliance of Jack Wilshire.  Yes, it’s a young team.  I know the old heads will balk at the idea of fielding this youthful Arsenal squad (where are the Adams’, the Seaman’s, the Henry’s OH MY?) but this is what the boss is fielding and you all might as well get ready for it. Because while the boss says he might have “one more signing” up his sleeve I would put money that it’s another Amaury Bischoff type; young and talented but completely unknown.  This pre-season has proven that Arsenal are now going with a 100% youth policy and judging by the fact that those youth won yesterday’s match I can’t really question that policy.

Free France Shirt

My friend and Man U supporter was buying a kit on, erm, yesterday and found an amazing deal: buy an Arsenal kit and get a free France shirt.  So, last night I verified this was the case and thanked him and promised him a spot on the blog.  Alas…  this morning the deal has changed and now it’s just 20% off.  In that case I’m buying mine through the club, so they get maximum profits.  Sorry Orlando.

He Left His Heart at Tottenham and it got Syphilis

Part time footballer and full time gambler David Bentley has finally achieved his dream, he’s playing for Spuds.  Before being dropped by Arsenal because of his personal problems and also because he’s clearly dumber than George W. Bush, he loved Arsenal.  And now?  His heart has always been with Tottenham.  Well, Davie, your heart is at Spuds but part of your £15m transfer fee stays with Arsenal. I hope you Enjoy 11th place while the owner spends the team into bankruptcy — it’s no less than you deserve.

I can’t wait for his next brilliant contradiction.

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May 2020