Posts Tagged ‘Andrei Arshavin is a distasteful little crybaby

02
Feb
09

The snow is like a new signing

Good mourning everyone! Today is the day that the transfer deadline will pass, Arsenal will sign no one, and Gooners the world over will be seen pulling their hair out. You might as well start mourning its passing right now.

The latest news goes like this: Arshavin flew in to London in order to be available in case Arsenal found £3m under Peter Hill-Woods’ mattress, the Gods thought they would test Londoner’s resolve by dumping 1″ of snow on the town, London ground to a halt — even the underground stopped running (there’s no snow down there!).

Meanwhile, back in Arsenal’s board room, some kind of deal was reached with Zenit, except no deal was reached! From what I gather, the thing holding up the transfer is that Zenit paid Arshavin a £4m signing bonus up front for his 4 year contract with them and they want half of that back, because he’s breaking his contract! Sounds reasonable to me.

Arshavin is refusing to pay this fee, because… well, I really don’t know why he would do that, but we know for sure that he’s refusing to pay the fee. He’s telling Arsenal if they want him, they need to pay the fee… oh yeah, and he wants a pay increase as well.

Remember back when I said that I was very uncomfortable signing Arshavin because he was threatening his team with a contract strike? Also remember how Arshavin was telling everyone he’d take a pay cut to join Arsenal? Funny thing about that, as it turns out, it looks a lot like Arshavin and Zenit are BOTH “football jokers” as one Arsenal exec put it.

So, after seeing his wage packet (which would be a modest increase over Zenit), he reportedly went back to the airport in disgust, to his private jet, to  fly home.

I’ll be sure to update this post when the transfer window closes and Arsenal haven’t signed anyone.

Meanwhile!

That 1″ of snow? Well, they have called off tomorrow’s match against Cardiff on account of 1″ of snow — THE BLIZZARD OF ’09!

And to brighten your day, here’s a quote from Arsene Wenger…

There’s always a danger because people always want a wonder man. But I believe we have to keep going, and accept that the expectation level on him would be very high if he joins us. But if he doesn’t join us I am not more pessimistic. We have as well not to go overboard with the crisis we face. Let’s judge our team at the end of the season.

UGH

I want to go back to bed, I was having a great dream about trophies and sunny days and….

Update!

I have been informed by a reliable source that the transfer deadline has been extended.  Wenger has been quotyed as saying “It’s like a new transfer window.”

Update Redux!!

Theo Walcott should be back in 4 weeks, like a new signing!

Update Tridux!!!

The Cardiff game has been tentatively rescheduled for February 16th and Setanta is showing the match live. That’s right, on President’s day, Briooots! Which if you don’t know, is the day which Americans celebrate George W’s birthday by festooning our nude bodies with $1 bills and masturbating to pictures of nookular missile silos.

Also, everyone is reporting that Arshavin is parked at Heathrow in a white Ford Bronco, ready to zoom back into London and sign for Arsenal as soon as they agree to pay him more than everyone else on the team by giving him a “signing bonus” which he will use to pay Zenit to pay back his “signing bonus” which is in no way a “transfer fee” nor “salary” which would break Arsenal’s “salary structure” — in negotiating, this is known as the “Flamini gambit.”

Check-Mate, Zenit.

Update Quardux!!!!

The transfer window closed an hour and a half ago, there was no announced signing, and yet the media outlets are reporting that the deal is still on!

Screw the rules!

Update Quintux!!!!!

The Andrei Arshavin saga seems to have come to a close, at least according to L’Equipe, who are reporting that Arshavin is now an Arsenal player.

Unfortunately, I cannot verify this because YOU PEOPLE ARE FLOODING ARSENAL DOT COM WITH YOUR F-FIVE-ISM.

Also, L’Equipe is reporting that Arshavin is not match fit and won’t be for two weeks, when he is eventually healthy he will be like another new signing.

So, it’s like we signed two players for the price of one! We will totally do the treble now.

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07
Jan
09

You complete me

FA LA LA LA LAAA LA LA LA LAAAAAA!

ZOMG

There is nothing going on today.

Maybe it’s one of those “quiet before the storm” things.

I could write the whole blog in single sentence paragraphs.

I won’t.

Arsenal are being linked to one and only one player, Andrei Arshavin, and his agent is telling anyone who will listen that Zenit are trying to artificially inflate the price of the player.

DUH — Here’s a news flash, Secret Agent Man: that’s what clubs do.

Anyway, the deal is either on for £8m or off for £20m, depending on who you read today. Like I said yesterday, the desperation here is palpable. I don’t know why Arshavin is so deseperate to leave Zenit but offering salary cuts and the way his agent talks makes me even more wary than just, you know, having to deal with a bunch of racists, oligarchs, and gas monopolies.

Why is Arsenal involved in this deal? The whole thing stinks.

The other story is that Arsenal have signed… another teenager to professional terms.

Yay.

Ok, one last thing, you have to see this video of Fat Ronaldo working out.

Jesus, what happened? Did he start smoking 2 packs a day and eating small children for lunch? I think that’s what the “reporter” is saying anyway, some days I wish I spoke Portuguese.

I will break into your day if there is breaking news of an imminent signing. If not, enjoy the day “off.”

06
Jan
09

Arsenal make a signing, plus Appiah comes to North London

It’s a Sign

Arsene Wenger signed his first player of the transfer window when 17 year old Jack Wilshere agreed to professional terms yesterday. I feel better knowing that Wilshere agreed to terms because in 10 years he might be one of the greatest players ever. And I’m not the only one who thinks that, Wenger is highly impressed with Jack’s potential and had the following to say about the kid:

We are delighted that Jack has signed a professional contract with us. Jack is a player with great potential, with an ability to find the final ball and also score goals. Jack is a passionate and committed young player, he is not afraid of tackles and I am convinced he will have tremendous penetrative power in a few years. We have already seen Jack’s qualities in both his first team performances and in training on a regular basis, and we look forward to Jack being an important part of our first team for years to come.

Jack is so strong that three days ago he picked up a small motorcycle and lifted it over his head, doing a set of 10 Military Presses before setting the bike down unharmed. He also can kick a ball 122 yards and is a world class sprinter who is expected to run for England in the Olympics.

Also he swum the English Channel last week.

And he bakes great cookies — next term’s red level members all get a packet of Jack’s homemade cookies upon renewal of their annual membership.

I might have made that last bit up.

Jack is 100% a product of Arsenal’s academy (joining at age 9) and judging by what we’ve seen so far he’s certainly something to be proud of. So, kudos to him, to the academy, and to everyone involved. Now the hard work starts, keeping his ego in check.

Now, if only there was an experienced holding midfielder available. Someone to add some steel to Arsenal’s soft center. Someone who could come in and start playing right away and show the youngsters like Denilson and Song the ropes.

I wonder who could do that?

Appiah to Sign With Spuds

OMG this ear infection really BURNS!

Ok, now this really pisses me off. Tottenham are expected to give Appiah a trial and I have a really bad feeling that Appiah is going to be this season’s Diarra. That means that Harry Redknapp is going to start looking like a genius instead of “the guy who made a name for himself by signing Arsenal’s cast offs.”

Worse though is that I was really, really, hoping that Tottenham made the drop. I know it’s not realistic but after their brief run of good form they are now 2 points off the bottom of the table and losing to squads like W.B.A. Moreover, they are flailing around in the transfer market, looking to re-sign former players like Defoe.

Come on… if there was ever going to be a season that Tottenham makes the drop, it has to be this one, right?

*sigh*

I guess I’ll have to hope that Appiah is an utter failure, which I hate to do because I really wanted him to come play for Arsenal and I hate rooting against a guy who’s had the medical problems he’s had. But I’d hate it even worse if Redknapp saves their season, Appiah goes to Barcelona for £100m, and Spuds make a push for top 4 again.

The Arshavin Deal Starts to Rot

I think being a Gooner stands for something; it’s a way of playing on the pitch and a way that the club treats our players with respect off the pitch. Arsenal FC might not lose gracefully but there is no doubt that this is the classiest organization in the EPL. It also means a host of seemingly small things like honoring our contracts, not dealing with disreputable people, and stamping out racism.

So how is it that this club is still linked with Andrei Arshavin?

I’m not surprised that Arshavin is now threatening his club with a buyout of his contract, the kid is obviously very, very desperate. He’s offered to take a salary cut, he’s threatened his club with a strike, and now he’s threating to buy himself out and leave his club high and dry. After what happened with Hleb this summer and after Wenger’s statements about honoring contracts, I don’t know how Arsene could sign him and keep a straight face next time he talks about the transfer market.

And honestly, I don’t care if he’s the next Kaka, which he isn’t or someone would have already paid the £20m asking fee, all of the press around this guy is so negative that there has to be something wrong with this deal.

So, if I had cold feet before because Zenit is a bunch of racists and their owners Gaszprom a bunch of thugs I have, erm, even colder feet now that Arshavin himself is revealed to be a waffling crybaby who threatens his club and refuses to honor his contracts.

Mark my words, this would be a bad signing for Arsenal.

Players Not Coming to Arsenal

So far this month, I have added Inler, Upson, and Appiah to the massive list of people who won’t be playing for Arsenal.  You know, so many people are linked to this club that you could have a blog just about the players NOT coming to Arsenal. And today that blog could add three new names: Rosina, Scott Parker, and Yaya Toure.

Rosina is easy, the club have come out and said the player is not leaving Torino. Yay, Arsenal aren’t going to sign a second-string player from a crappy team in a crappy league!

Scott Parker, well, I’m adding him because I don’t see Arsenal getting into a bidding war with Manchester City. He was already overpriced at £10m or whatever City offered the first time and now that they are up to £12m, there’s no way Arsene would pay that.

Yaya Toure is a similar story except with a bigger price tag and an even more improbable team to leave. City have reportedly offered £24m for the player. Which, if true, plus a huge compensation package, could be enough to prise the player away from Barca. But if I was Toure, I would stay: Barcelona are favorites to win the Champions League this year, they are on top of their league, plus, I don’t know if you know this but Barcelona is in sunny Spain. Who the hell would want to come to the freezing cold of Manchester in the middle of winter to play on a team that has more problems than Plaxico Burress handling a gun in a strip club?

Irregardless, he’s not coming to Arsenal.

We’ll all have to wait for the inevitable denials about Niko Kranjcar.

That’s it for today, Arsene supposedly has his eye on someone and only time will tell who it is(n’t). See you tomorrow!




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