Now you’re just Riberying me.

He's ready for his close-up

Have you heard any good jokes lately? No? How about this one? “Arsenal Set To Make £40m Franck Ribery Bid – Reports.”


Yeah, ok, let’s just assume that Arsenal are going to bid £40m, which, according to Bayern manager Uli Hoeness, is £60m short of his valuation and would get us just a leg. Even if we did bid £40m, BAYERN AREN’T SELLING, so this is a non-story and you have to wonder where it came from.

Wait, what if there is something to this story? If we could get Frank Ribery’s right leg for £40m and sew it onto Eboue, we could make a Frankeneboue! Then the boss could say that Eboue’s “like a new signing” and he could say to everyone that “Arsenal develop players, we do not just buy them.”

And then Wenger would sign Karim Benzema, 3 new goalkeepers, Fat Ronaldo, Felipe Melo AND Lorik Cana, steal E’to’o from City, and get Micah Richards and Brede Hangeland, and possibly bring in Xavi Hernandez and David Villa! All this after selling Frankeneboue for £75m, Adebayor for £93m, Bentdner for £6,999 (like a used car, get it???), Eduardo for a free transfer, and Theo Walgod for £1.2billion.


That settles it, I’m changing the name of the summer transfer period from “interlull” to “interlol.”

InterLOL, wait this is serious

With Adebayor looking closer to AC Milan than ever before, now that Dzeko is off the table and Sevilla is asking £30m for Fabiano, it looks like Wenger might actually end up with the resources to buy Felipe Melo.  Last I heard, Fiorentina want £21m for Melo, which is more than Arsene was willing to pay last year for Alonso, but that Fiorentina are willing to accept Senderos as a makeweight in the deal. So, with the £15m or so Arsenal will get from Adebayor, a Senderos, and maybe even a little cash, we might be able to prise Melo from Fiorentina.

More importantly, this story is starting to look like it has some smoke to it: Melo reportedly asked former Arsenal skipper Gilberto what he thought of Arsenal. As in “hey, I’m thinking about transferring to Arsenal, should I?”


Gio said “yes absolutely” which is a bit of a surprise seeing how he was treated in his last year, but then simultaneously not a surprise since Gio has always been a class act and clearly still loves Arsenal.

What makes me feel better about the whole thing is that Gio also thinks Melo would be good for Arsenal. Each time I’ve watched him he hasn’t looked that impressive but if Gilberto says

He is exactly what they need – a powerful player with quality. If they got him it would be great because he is a player they need at the moment. I’m sure if they got him it would be a good signing. I have told him Arsenal is a great club and I am sure next season they will improve.

then I have no choice but to trust Gilberto. He was a top notch midfielder for Arsenal and he knows exactly what it takes to win trophies in the Premier League. If anyone in this world knows if Felipe Melo is ready to partner Cesc Fabregas at Arsenal and help win a trophy it’s Gilberto Silva.

So, I officially say “bring ’em on.”

Or Cana…

The other player that has been on everyone’s hit list is combative Albanian midfielder, Lorik Cana. His club officially said that he’s for sale and immediately Spuds made a bid. The link above says that Arsene tried to bring him over for a trial when he was younger but were denied a work visa, with him now firmly ensconced in the Albanian team the whole visa thing might work out easier. Though, I’m no expert on the British work visa rules.

Arsenal can offer Champions League football a great salary and a host of world class players, he’d be a fool to chose them over us.

Also, then he’d be a cunt, and we wouldn’t want him anyway!

Usmanov’s Millions

Just when you think it’s safe, Alisher Usmanov reminds us that he has his grubby little fingers all over our club. This time is no different than the last time he cropped up: he wants us all to make a deal with the devil and do a “rights issue” that would “generate” “£100m.”

The details of Usmanov’s proposal are unknown and will be discussed by the board this week but from what I’ve read the basic idea is to issue additional stock and generate fresh investment. Of course, Red and White are saying that this money could be used for transfers (that’s the devil’s bargain) and Gazidis is saying that the board will not do a stock offer and blow the money on transfers (hey, maybe THAT’s where the Ribery story came from!).

Either way, I trust the board on this one. It’s pretty clear that they are openly hostile to Usmanov’s attempts to use Arsenal as his personal piggy bank and will rebuff any proposal that would help him consolidate power. The board is committed to growing Arsenal the old fashioned way and while you might disagree with that because it means you have to forgo the instant gratification of spending big and buying  trophies it’s the only sensible long term plan.

Personally, I plan on passing Arsenal on to my daughter and if Usmanov had his way, I suspect that would be impossible.

19 Responses to “Now you’re just Riberying me.”

  1. 2 Eskaia
    June 29, 2009 at 8:31 am

    Very well said. I’m quite impressed.

  2. 3 Alex
    June 29, 2009 at 8:55 am

    You missed the other craziness at goal.com.

    Wenger wants Benzema (pops).

    Apparently the lack of news has somebody’s imagination working overtime.

  3. 4 Alex
    June 29, 2009 at 8:56 am

    (my apologies – target is ignored in the link above)

  4. 5 Anonymous
    June 29, 2009 at 9:07 am

    tim ur a hater

  5. 6 Gooner sems
    June 29, 2009 at 9:08 am

    Hard luck on the u.s tim great match

  6. 7 Richard Hasseck
    June 29, 2009 at 9:23 am

    You shouldn’t dismiss a rights issue . This would mean all the shareholders and directors would put money into the club to help clear debt. We live in a different economic world to the one when the highbury development and new stadium were started. Some of the directors have made millions if not tens of millions on the back of the supporters who pay the highest ticket prices in the country. Some money should be put back in! It seems that Kroenke is seen as the white night and Usmanov the devil but look at how the americans have put massive debt on manchester united and liverpool. Whose to say Kroenke would be any different? meanwhile Abramovich has put his own money in!

    • 8 Tim
      June 29, 2009 at 9:34 am

      1. the directors who have made money have done so against the wishes of the board and only by selling their holdings, the board has never paid dividends. Moreover, the price of the stock has risen so quickly and thereby enriched people at least in part because of the inflationary pressures put on by your hero Usmanov. If he weren’t out there paying double the odds for the stock, then Dein wouldn’t have made so much money. So, when you say that they have made millions on the backs of fans, you are wrong. It’s more like they have made millions on the backs of Wenger and the players — without him bringing trophies in and playing beautiful football they wouldn’t be able to charge so much for tickets.

      2. Kroenke is working with the board, who want to have a long-term sustainable business model, comparing him to the Anfield clowns or the Glaziers is disingenuous at best and xenophobic at worst.

      3. Abramovich? is he buying Arsenal? Anyway, no, Abramovich has NOT put in his own money. What Abramovich has done is exactly what I’m worried that Usmanov will do; loan the club money. Currently, Chelsea FC owe Roman Abramovich £736m! That’s not “putting his own money in” that’s using the club and the fans as a piggy bank.

      • 9 CaribKid
        June 29, 2009 at 9:58 am

        Richard has at least one good point Tim, a rights or stock issue could bring in new capital without watering down the current value of stock and still keep the same balance of power.

        With the current earnings exceeding our operational costs, the new capital could be used to pay down our debt and put us on an even more solid financial footing. This could be done by doing a stock split and then issuing a block of new stock equivalent to half the then # of shares and giving current shareholders the first right of refusal to purchase based on their current holdings.

        That would enable Kroenke and the Board to keep their majority and still keep Usamov at bay. It’s done all the time.

  7. 12 Matt
    June 29, 2009 at 9:39 am

    Ribery is too ugly for Arsenal.

    • 13 CaribKid
      June 29, 2009 at 9:50 am

      We need some ugly, Ribery or Tevez would do. Unlike our previous “STAR”, bentley, they spend less time looking in the mirror and more time putting in great performances on the field.

      That given, I will take ugly.

  8. 14 Travis The Septopus
    June 29, 2009 at 10:04 am

    I would love a frankenboue I used to eat that cereal as a kid all the time.

  9. 15 WC
    June 29, 2009 at 11:19 am

    Cana would just about destroy his career at Spuds – they spent a good chunk of change on Palacios and have Zokora on their books still so is Cana going for the scenery from the bench? I think this is one thing that most players almost never consider when transferring. They see the transfer fee and the salary but hardly ever ask themselves how they fit in that team. It’s safe to say that perhaps all of the players of a club have a pretty good idea about the formations and tactics of other clubs and if Cana could serioulsy look at the Spuds’ usual formations and team selection, he’d see he has no real place in that team. I don’t understand Spuds’ fascination with midfielders though – they have so many being total wastes as they just accumulate more every season. I guess that’s why they’re so terrible.

    Usmanov is far too shady a character for me to feel comfortable accepting 100M from. I can just see the implications of him holding something over the heads of the club and it’s a bit distrubing to think we could “owe” him something. He’s a businessman and they don’t become successful by simply giving away money for nothing – I don’t buy him as some great footballing philanthropist quite yet.

  10. 16 barnaby
    June 29, 2009 at 12:34 pm

    There’s nothing wrong with this rights issue, it’s only the current owners putting their own money into the club at the same percentages, and it would be used to pay down debt and free funds for transfers, it’s fine.

    As for a Ribery transfer, we don’t need a winger, and we don’t need a winger that can’t play defense, Benzema on the other hand makes all the sense in the world, at a realistic price. If he opts for a madrid then i wouldn’t mind missing out on him, madrid hasn’t learned that much from their last galactico disco glam club experiment, but i wish them well with all that.

  11. 17 Darkhail
    June 29, 2009 at 5:59 pm


    I read this and literally laughed out loud… didn’t he say this about 6 months ago? And how would that shock anyone. Good job Sun you can pull a quote from half a year ago and make it into a new story, what bollocks.

  12. June 29, 2009 at 6:49 pm

    Tim, what’s the use of passing Arsenal to your daughter? You know that once she turns 13 she’s going switch to Man Utd just to cheese you off.

    I wouldn’t mind seeing Ribery, Benzema, Kaka and fake Ronaldo on the same team – just wish it was ours.

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