If you’re going to lie, lie big.

First off, I hope this morning’s 3rd place Vuvuzela consolation cup match finds you well. It doesn’t find Cesc Fabregas well, or maybe it does find him well and he’s just not playing because his international manager is mad at him. I dunno, either way, there isn’t much to say about this game since there aren’t any Arsenal players on the pitch.

I do want to mention one thing: those Vuvuzela’s that everyone is suddenly talking about are not new. I distinctly remember them annoying me to no end during the 2006 World Cup and they are a mainstay at any MLS game. They are not new, in fact, I have railed about these things for years.  Standing at a match and making mindless noise is not “support” it’s anti-supporting  because they actually destroy the ability of other fans to support from the stands. The constant insufferable droning makes it impossible to chant a player’s name and thus to boost him, to cheer when your squad does something good, to boo opposition players, and they disrupt on-field communication between your own team!

Symbolically the fact that they sound like a pack of angry bees is perfect because if you’re sitting in the stands blowing one of those things then you are a mindless drone. If FIFA learns one thing from this pointless tournament, let it be that the Vuvuzela should be banned from all stadiums the world over.

How to make shiat up: 101

No sooner had the ink dried on my “hey let’s make shiat up” column yesterday than the links started coming in fast from a press brigade eager to show a small timer like me how it’s really done.

The News of the World said “I see your Tim Sparv and raise you a Karim Benzema!” Now, I know a lot of folks wish that this was a true story. Benzema is one of those players who occupies that rarefied air of “X-Box Heroes” — a player who pretty much everyone building a fantasy team first reaches for. But the brilliance of this story is that it hinges on another story and it’s a story that I’m not sure will come to pass; that Arsenal will use the funds from the sale of Adebayor to Milan to fund the purchase of Benzema.

First off, AC Milan is only talking up Adebayor because they want to sign Dzeko and have so far been unsuccessful in their attempts to get Wolfsburg to the negotiating table. Second, if Adebayor and Benzema cost the same, and Adebayor is Milan’s 3rd choice target why would Milan not just buy Benzema? By all accounts he’s a better player, he’s younger, and he’s almost certainly had fewer disciplinary problems.

No, this Adebayor/Benzema talk is just talk.  HA! And now Real Madrid is involved, there’s no way he’s coming to Arsenal. Either way, that’s some world class “making shiat up” right there.

Right, that’s about it for today. I’m going to try to have a kickaround at 10:30 and then maybe watch a tape of the U.S.A. v. Brazil game — you know, a lazy Sunday.

See you tomorrow!

17 Responses to “If you’re going to lie, lie big.”

  1. 1 gooner4life
    June 28, 2009 at 8:37 am

    what you wrote is all good and dandy, but what if he does come to arsenal?

  2. 2 nazeer
    June 28, 2009 at 9:10 am

    benzema to gunners wil happen because he is french mann and arsene is also the same it be will great gunners ,wenger wiill show great interest in french players like he did in syylvestre .sagna,gallas,
    and arsene must sell adebayor 25m,sylvvestre 2m,almunia 3,toure 12m
    senderos 3m total 45m

    buy benzeman 32m and a goalie 10m ,bassong 5m ,melo 23m , hangeland 5m total = 75 only
    30m$ only go out of the club it will great for arsenal\
    in arsene must sell rosick 10m , eduado 5m will get 15 with that buy zidan or chamakh and right back and can play centre back ,sweeper tasci
    plz god do it inshaa allah allahuma thakir qurubana an gairika bi nuir mari fathika ,rabbi zedna elman nafiya , bismillah, ameen do it allah , arsene plz do it for fans

  3. 3 divesh
    June 28, 2009 at 9:24 am


  4. 4 WC
    June 28, 2009 at 10:00 am

    Well firstly let me say that blasting the Vuvuzela isn’t up to you Tim. It’s a wee bit ignorant of people to be chastising these things because it’s evidently a part of the African culture and this is what international football is about. It may not fit the “westernized” way of doing things but then again I don’t give the western world alot of credit when it comes to being tolerant – essentially anything that isn’t done the “western” way is seen as the wrong way. This is precisely one of the major problems with our society – the pretentious our way or the highway attitude. As if North America is the model society – HA! far from it.

    Why doesn’t AC Milan just sign Benzema? Maybe he doesn’t fit Leonardo’s plan. They have Pato who is a pretty deep lying striker who likes to run at defenders – why would they need 2 of them? With Gilardino being sold a little while back and Inzaghi getting older, maybe they’re looking for a target man player to change the dynamic of the team – never crossed your mind did it? I don’t know Tim, I’m a bit surprised at today’s post because it doesn’t seem as well thought out today as it usually is.

    • 5 Tim
      June 29, 2009 at 5:43 am

      Wait… because I dislike those noisemaking horns at football matches I’m now an intolerant Westerner? You’ve been reading this blog for quite some time, do you REALLY believe that? Do you really want to make that accusation?

      As for Benzema, all that crossed my mind WC, and still you missed the point: why would AC Milan pay nearly the same price for Adebayor as Benzema?

      They won’t, Benzema is not coming to Arsenal.

      • 6 WC
        June 29, 2009 at 11:10 am

        You used the words “ban” and the term “anti-support” when referring to them. Seriously though Tim, whether intentional or not it would leave a bad taste in the mouth of someone from that region or culture. Essentially you’re calling for South Afican culture to be banned from stadiums around the world – presumably including their own for WC 2010 – I have every confidence you can see the wrong in that.

        Why would AC Milan pay the same for Benzema as Adebayor? Because he’s worth that much to them – simple. Whether Benzema is coming to Arsenal or not is a moot point because your argument is that AC Milan should just buy Benzema if they have the money. However, my point is simply that perhaps he’s not the player they’re looking at. Why doesn’t Man Utd just buy 11 Ronaldos? Because there’s no tactical advantage to having 11 of him on a field, much like how there is probably no tactical reason to have Benzema and Pato, 2 similar players, on the same team and in the same line-up. Adebayor has attributes Benzema doesn’t and those are proibably what Milan want for the next season.

        • 7 Tim
          June 29, 2009 at 11:31 am

          Dude, I’ve read the “vuvuzela = South African culture” thing and it’s total bunk. Those were introduced in the late 1990’s, stated gaining popularity when they were handed out free at games, and are nothing more than a horn.

          There is some effort to try to get these branded as “distinctly South African” by hearkening back to a time in the distant past where Xhosa people supposedly used a horn to call people together.

          Again, it’s not distinctly “South African” to blow a horn, pretty much every culture the world over has horns of some sort.

          And yes, I have called for the horns that they blow here in the US to be banned. And if the Swiss had packed their stadiums with people mindlessly blowing Alphorns for 90 minutes I would have called for those to be banned as well.

          And really? Trying to paint me with that essentialist bursh? Saying that I’m “essetially wanting to ban South African culture,” really? I’d hate to think that you have such an essentialist view of the world that the richness of South African culture can be boiled down to vuvuzelas. But hey, maybe that’s all that South Africans have, in your world view.

  5. 8 Tu-blaq
    June 28, 2009 at 11:16 am

    It wukk be Good for Arsenal to get those quality player so as to strengthen out club…Arsenal till thy kingdom come….

  6. 9 Travis The Septopus
    June 28, 2009 at 12:13 pm

    personally i dont see wenger wanting another frenchman. And why would benzema want to play with his international compatriot.

  7. 10 barnaby
    June 28, 2009 at 1:40 pm

    I’m not writing off a Benzema arrival by any means. We have good reason to sign such a player, and he has good reason to sign with us. Benzema has not wanted to be exposed to too much too soon as evidenced by his general hesitancy to move to a big club and he wants to play every game as he does with Lyon to be ready for WC2010. There are many aspects of this deal that make sense, it just comes down to a fee and how Wenger can engineer the deal financially and if necessary trade other players. I would personally rate Benzema as superior to Rvp.

  8. 11 Darkhail
    June 28, 2009 at 1:47 pm

    Hey Tim do you think you should add Santa Cruz to the list of those who didn’t sign for us? He has been linked to us time and time again.

  9. June 28, 2009 at 2:49 pm

    Go 4 Benzima Prof

  10. 13 ubatgoonergooner
    June 28, 2009 at 5:27 pm

    This Benzema to Arsenal is just a scam to up Benzema’s market prize. Everyone nows that he is MU’s top target and they desperately need him to be Ronaldo’s replacement.

  11. June 28, 2009 at 8:37 pm

    It certainly won’t happen if you have THAT attitude, Tim.

  12. 15 ganesh
    June 28, 2009 at 9:35 pm

    Nazir i don think wat u told will happen mate .. Bassong n Hangeland r worth more than wat u quoted n this much of movement witin our club is not gud for us .. so its best tat he gets a DM like Melo or if he’s too expensive get Lorik Cana of Marseille ..tats enough .. n if possible Ade shud be transferred nly if we plan to buy Benzema .. else retain adeb for one more year .. he’s got the potential to deliver .. This is gud for arsenal to challenge for trophies next year ..So don lose hope Gunner fans .. We’ll end the trophy drought next season .. Am sure of it!!!

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