My best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who’s going with the girl who talked to Vermaelen about signing for Arsenal last night. I guess it’s pretty serious.

7amkickoff Exclusive!

I can exclusively report that Arsenal have confirmed a friendly against Hannover Fist on July 29th. This means that we are less than two months away from the return of real football!

7amkickoff two-xclusive!

7am kickoff has heard from a reliable source that Zlatan Ibrahimovich is a cunt! My source says that Zlatan said the following about Arsenal:

Just look at Arsenal. They don’t buy the best players, which is sad, very sad for their supporters, they pay a lot of money for a season ticket just to see a junior team. That can’t be fun.

Did Inter even play in Europe last year? Oh wait, they did, and they were knocked out of the competition in the first round, after barely squeaking into the knockout competition, coming in second in their group to Panathinaikos — a Greek team, who don’t even have a league, they play against goats with wine bottles as the ball.

Oh, and Zlatan, we don’t buy the best players, we get them the old fashioned way, we make them.

Speaking of Transfers

There’s no actual transfer news, of course, but rumor has it that Arsenal are on the verge of signing Vermaelen, which you all already know.

Meanwhile, the World’s Least Reliable Newspaper is reporting that AC Milan is wanting to sign one of our children, Adebayor, for £15m. Coincidentally, that offer is exactly £12 for every offside that Adebayor was guilty of this season.

Mean-meanwhile, Arsenal are reportedly closing in on the signature of soon to be rumored (I’m starting it right now) Arsenal player, Lucas Neill. This happened because a) I just made it up and b) he rejected a new offer from West Ham. Arsenal like Neill because he is reportedly 7 months younger than Silvestre, and as Zlatan has pointed out Arsenal are nothing if not a youth team.

On the other hand, it is possible that Arsenal are not in for Lucas Neill and are instead interested in Gary Cahill. Supposedly, this is because Brede Hangeland is refusing our £8m bid. The only problem with this story is that Bolton are asking £20m, which is completely retarded, and I mean that in a very negative way.

Wait, new information has just come in and it seems that Gary Cahill once played for Villa and put in a stunning bicycle kick which relegated one of my least favorite teams in the world, Birmingham City.

£20m is a steal.

Last but not least, stop me if you’ve heard this one…

The USA National team went down 3-1 to Costa Rica in World Cup qualifying. To some people this isn’t funny.


20 Responses to “My best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who’s going with the girl who talked to Vermaelen about signing for Arsenal last night. I guess it’s pretty serious.”

  1. June 4, 2009 at 7:42 am

    hello mr 7am kickoff, have u ever used http://www.goonernews.com ?. if not check it out.
    also i am a 21 londoner moving to toronto. isit hard to watch games in canada?

  2. 3 Darkhail
    June 4, 2009 at 7:47 am

    I’m not a huge international supporter, but no, USA losing to Costa Rica is not funny…. not at all.

    • 4 VolsnCards5
      June 4, 2009 at 8:26 am

      Hey at least we scored…it the first time we scored in costa rica sine like 2001…we always get beat by costa rica in costa rica…it sucks, and we played like shite, but it was to be expected

      • 5 dk.nyc
        June 4, 2009 at 9:08 am

        The Arsenal Academy team could have beat the US 3-1 last night… It was THAT painfull to watch.

  3. 6 jackie wilshere
    June 4, 2009 at 8:03 am

    @ Uncle Mike

    I am a fellow Arsenal supporter also living in Toronto.
    It is not hard to watch the games here at all.

    Setanta Sports has a channel over here that is about $15 a month and features alot of Arsenal games through the season. TSN carries CL (Europa) games when they can and both Sportsnet and TheScore feature a game Saturday and Sunday respectively.

    There are also a few good football pubs in Toronto to check out:

    The Football Factory @ Richmond / Bathurst St

    Scallywags @ Yonge / St. Clair <- this is where I go to watch CL games. It is a Liverpool pub but its Canada and a fairly relaxed atmoshphere.
    3 floors so sometimes the opponents supporters are just around the corner…

    The only other thing to note is getting up at 7am on Saturdays to catch those games that kick off noonish in London!

    Hope you enjoy Toronto, see you around.
    I'll be wearing the Wilshere kit

  4. 7 Yan
    June 4, 2009 at 8:08 am

    Speaking of internationals, this weekend we’ll have Uruguay-Brazil. Now that is a game to watch!

  5. 8 jackie wilshere
    June 4, 2009 at 8:11 am

    Uncle Mike-

    I am a fellow Arsenal supporter also living in Toronto.
    I can say it is not difficult to watch games, but does require a bit of extra effort every now and then.

    Setanta Sports has a channel in Canada / USA that shows most Arsenal League and FA Cup games through the year.
    Also, 2 Canadian Sports channels Sportsnet and TheScore feature an EPL match Saturday and Sunday mornings respectively, though often it is not an Arsenal game.

    TSN features CL (Europa) games but often just the Manchester United games.

    As far as Reserve League and Youth Cups go, I rely on Internet streams for that.

    Additionally there are a few good football pubs in Toronto I frequent.

    1. “The Football Factory” at Richmond / Bathurst St. is good.

    2. “Scallywags” at Yonge / St. Clair is great too.
    I go to Scallywags for all the CL games because alot of Gooners turn up there.
    It is a Liverpool pub, I think the headquarters for Liverpool Canada, but again, this is Canada and things are usually pretty relaxed here. There are 3 floors so usually opposition supporters are just around the corner…

    Enjoy Toronto, hopefully I’ll see you around.
    Ill be wearing the Wilshere kit :)

  6. 10 Jonny
    June 4, 2009 at 9:10 am

    Gotta say you’re lucky over in the States and Canada, you have a channel that shows most of the Arsenal league games? Here in England I’m lucky to see 15 league games on Sky! If I want to see anymore I have to subscribe to Setanta on top of Sky.

    • June 4, 2009 at 9:14 am

      Very lucky, over the last three years I have seen pretty much every Arsenal match live (even the early round Carling Cup stuff).

  7. 12 gooner sems
    June 4, 2009 at 11:30 am

    tim i’m happy to report that i saw obama 3 times today why is this important well because we arent linked to any one except vermaelen who i’m 100% confident he will sign because if he was’nt going too his agent or ajax would have rubbished the whole thing by now

  8. 13 Darkhail
    June 4, 2009 at 12:27 pm


    OMG!! If you look Ramsey is a tackling GOD!!! He made 100% of his tackles last season! (Gotta love sarcasm).

    Note: According to this Silvestre is also a tackling god, but he more than doubles Ramseys amazingly high tackling score.

    Plus Ade had a very low number of offsides, I mean he only had 2 offsides for every one offsides of Bent, Arsh, and RVP combined…

  9. 14 WC
    June 4, 2009 at 4:13 pm

    News flash: My daddy’s best friend’s aunt’s sister is screwing the mail man at the Daily Mail who reports to the lady who is screwing the editor’s assistant said we’re in talks for 12M for Dzeko. Bye bye Ade?

  10. 18 Darkhail
    June 4, 2009 at 7:20 pm

    I figured it out, all this talk about Ade leaving to Milan, Arsenal having no money, etc… Its all a front, we are going to do a trade deal Ade + Senderos for Kaka. Thats right we are going to be revealing the signing of Kaka any day now, you just wait.

    • 19 CaribKid
      June 5, 2009 at 4:36 am

      Agreed Darkhail, and we are also sending Gallas and Diaby to Barcelona in exchange for Ya Ya.

  11. 20 ASNLthruNthru
    June 5, 2009 at 5:44 am

    Would be very happy to see Yaya and Kolo together 。
    Unfortunate for the Yanks,hope they can bounce back。Would love to see them beat the Chav、scouse、manure “England” team inCape Town next summer。You can be sure Theo won’t be there after having been run into the ground by Poxy Pearce’s pupils this summer。

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