Archive for January 19th, 2009

19
Jan
09

EXCLUSIVE! Picture found of Andrei Arshavin’s Omnipotent Agent

Arshavin's omnipotent agent -- Dennis Lachter

7amkickoff is proud to be the blog to break this exclusive image of Andrei Arshavin’s omnipotent agent, Dennis Lachter.

Rarely seen in public, Dennis Lachter is seen here, threatening a man named “Picard” for cutting in front of him in line at the Wendy’s in the Tulsa mall. After the confrontation, Lachter reportedly was running around the mall food court yelling “It’s difficult to work in a group when you’re omnipotent” and had to be tased by Mall Security.

Hopefully, this incident will not effect the ongoing negotations between Arsenal and Zenit for his client Andrei Arshavin.

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19
Jan
09

Arshavin saga gets… fatter?

Not much Arsenal news to report today.

The Arshavin deal is “progressing” I guess. According to several sources, Zenit invited Arsenal’s negotiating team to Russia and they have accepted the invitation and… well.. yeah that’s about it.But don’t let facts get in the way! Arshavin’s “omnipotent” agent claims the deal is done! I am going on record as saying that Setanta does not know what the word “omnipotent” means. In factm I think they have confused omniscience for omnipotence. It’s a minor detail, I know.

I guess the sticking point in the deal was that Arsenal offered £10m in cash plus £5m in incentives. Zenit said, give us all £15m in cash and you have a deal. We said, hmmmm….

Then, according to The World’s Least Reliable Newspaper, Alisher Usmanov got involved.  I know what you’re thinking but hear them out, this is how their logic works: Zenit is owned by Gazprom, Gazprom has a subsidiary company called Gazprominvestholding, Alisher Usamanov sits on the board of that company as Dudedonutholding, therefore Alisher Usmanov is brokering a deal between Arsenal and Zenit for Arshavin.

No, seriously, that’s their logic. Never mind that Usmanov isn’t even on the Arsenal board, much less involved in transfers. He sits on a board for a company that invests money for Gazprom. It’s as solid a connection as The Sun has ever run.

In other transfer news… there is no other transfer news! It’s an odd occurrence I have to say, everyone must be taking Martin Luther King Jr day off.

What else is going on? Chelsea are either for sale or they are not for sale. Supposedly the asking price was £800m, which is a lot of money for a club with no history, huge annual debts and a team of overpaid, underperforming superstars. £800m would get Arsenal I reckon, why would anyone want a Chelsea, when you could have an Arsenal?

What else, Ashley Young is now valued at £82m according to Martin O’Neill, which completely scuppers one of my commenters idea to take him from Villa. Get him now, his price is just going up!

And finally… Evidently, Joey Barton has learned his lesson. He no longer stubs cigars out in teammates eyes or sucker punches them during practice, instead he just attacks them on the pitch, during a game, after they make a mistake!

Right, that’s it, I have the day off and there just so happens to be a Liverpool derby today. Kickoff is at noon and the match is exclusively on Setanta. It should be a good crowd and a good match, so if you’re a local head on down to Doyle’s and catch the festivities.

That’s it for today, see you tomorrow!




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