Archive for October 23rd, 2008


Good news on Eduardo

Arsene Wenger thinks Arsenal’s Crozilian goal poacher, Eduardo, could be playing “competitive football” again as soon as mid-November. Obviously, this is great news. Also obviously, with all the strikers that this team currently has I fully expect him to be brought back into the team VERY SLOWLY. There is absolutely no reason to rush Eduardo back into the team when we are loaded with Walcott, Vela, van Persie, Bendtner, and Adebayor. And the boss has said as much:

What I mean by competitive football is joining in completely with a normal training session. After that he has to come back to match-fitness. But he is ahead of where we expected him to be and that is fantastic news

So, he won’t be in the red and white in mid-November but what this does signal is that this long nightmare for Eduardo may be coming to a close. Fingers crossed.

More good news is that both Gallas and Toure will be available for the West Ham clash on Sunday. Sure, Sagna is not scheduled to return until Wednesday against Spuds which is a bit of a disappointment but after Song’s dreadful performance against a mediocre Fenerbahce squad, I can confidently state that I will be excited to see Gallas in defense (now I need to take a shower.)

It can’t all be roses, can it? There’s also some bad news; the boss has clarified that the Goal-Scoring-Elf (Rosicky) is not really progressing as they had hoped and will be out until January… at least.

Thought you all should know, now back to work!


The Ministry of Preposterous Pronouncements

Good morning Kickers, it’s Thursday and apart from some UFIA Cup matches between some of the worst teams in Europe there’s nothing going on. No injury news (thank the Gods), no team news, nothing, just a bunch of footballers who’ve had their say after this week’s action. Given all that I thought I’d try a new column, an occasional column about all the bat-shit insane things that footballers say and believe. Thus, today’s blog is the first ever installment of the “Ministry of Preposterous Pronouncements.”

First up is Arsenal’s future England number one, who, coming off a game in which he let in two goals and was lucky not to let in more, is quoted as saying that the match against Fenerbahce “seemed like a training game” and, he went on “Personally I had a strange feeling, everything seemed much easier than normal in the Champions League.” Maybe this is the lesson he’s learning from that new age book “The Secret:” no matter what happens, stay insanely positive!

My loyal reader knows that I couldn’t possibly write a Ministry of Preposterous Pronouncements and not include something from both David Bentley and Joey Barton, so…

Fresh off a 74 day stay in the Crossbar hotel for brutally beating a stranger on the streets of Liverpool while drunk, ready to make an appearance after serving his 6 match ban for brutally beating his teammate while sober, and 10 months without a drink, Joey Barton is ready to “be a shining beacon for kids who have been in trouble like myself.” Frankly, the repentant Joey was doing just fine until he started talking about being a light unto the world. He was saying all the right things, he seems to be apologetic, truly remorseful for what he’s done, but then he starts talking about how he’s special and he can reach the unreachables because he’s a common thug and the Beckham’s and the Owens’ aren’t. Please, Joey, it was at least partially your ego that got you into this trouble, that would be one of the first things I’d work on if I was you. Trust me, as an American, I know a thing or two about an over-inflated sense of self.

Meanwhile over at Spurs, the once cock-sure David Bentley is suddenly, erm, unsure of what he or any of his teammates are doing.

It’s been shocking. It’s been difficult, especially for me. I wasn’t enjoying it. We’ve not been together; we didn’t know where people were running, what people were doing. But I think we’re slowly starting to get settled.

I love that he’s able to turn Spurs’ team tragedy into an opus on him. You know, all the losing and suckage, it’s been hard on the fans and all, but it’s been real hard on him. He’s not enjoying this period.  I wonder if he is still looking forward to the North London derby in two weeks?

But not to be outdone by one of his brace of overrated Englishmen, Spuds chairman Levy is set to unveil his cunning new plan: fire Comolli and build the biggest stadium in the Coca-Cola Championship! You really think 60,000 people are going to show up to watch your team crash and burn every week? Are there 60,000 people who love to watch a team fail to qualify for Europe and blame it on the lasagna?

Actually, I take it back, more power to them, build a 100,000 seat arena you’ll need it when you finally spring your fiendish plot to “break into the top four.”

Ok, well, see that was an easy blog. I’ll have to take people’s quotes and paste them on here more often!

See you tomorrow.

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