Archive for October 2nd, 2008


It’s our little Secret.

I’m not sure how to take being called a cock sandwich (not safe for work) yesterday.

No, I am sure how to take it, like this: HA HA, you obviously have never read the blog! But what I mean is that I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. In the link above it looks like a pretty good thing! If that definition is right, then I would love a cock sandwich right now!

At the same time, saying “I would love a cock sandwich right now” sounds, well, erm, funny. I just can’t get the image of a sandwich full of cocks out of my head — which is something I don’t want. I guess I’ll just have to go back to the happy place that is definition #1 in the link above.  I am a cock sandwich!

Speaking of going to your happy place, future England number 1 and current Arsenal stopper Manuel Almunia is reading a book on how to stay mentally positive. It’s a book called “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne and I could already tell from the title that it was a real cock sandwich (the bad kind). So, I went to my trusty local library ( and looked at some of the reviews — wow, just wow. I literally read the first sentence of the Amazon Official Review of the book and was instantly reminded of my New Age mother. Basically, in “The Secret” Rhonda argues that just positive thinking will get you positive results (like wealth) and that negative thinking will give you HIV. Seriously.

I’m glad that stuff like that is not true, because if you could get disease from negative thinking, I would have contracted ebola from this post alone — imagine what horrific disease I would get from the combined negativity of all my posts.  Christ, they’s have to call it “Tim’s Disease” or something.

Look, goalkeepers are basically the craziest people in the world, most of them are crazier every day than Paul Gascoigne is after a six day bender of cock sandwiches and vodka, so whatever works for Almunia works for me. If it’s a “self help” book from some Aussie charlatain is your tonic, then take it, just keep the sheets clean big guy.

Meanwhile, some of the players who are supposed to be slightly less crazy are talking about telepathic linkups. After the win against Porto, which saw both Adebayor and van Persie score a brace, Adebayor gave a long, rambling interview which included a statement about his “telepathic” link with Robin van Persie. Yeah yeah yeah, telepathic links, alien abductions, crystals hidden under the bed, again, whatever it takes just keep scoring goals big fella.

For me, the only thing that really matter is this little gem from Ade:

Robin is a good player and, if he is fit for the whole season, we have a chance to do something special, that’s for sure

Adebayor is 100% correct, it would be nice IF van Persie could stay fit for a whole season. More than telepathy or positive thinking, judging by the last few years, this squad needs some luck to keep all of our current players healthy. Maybe I should write a book about it.

Well, that’s it you cock sandwiches. I have to go to work and then have a kickaround with the boys tonight, you know, the ones who couldn’t hit a cut shot in a million years — because that’s a once in a lifetime shot!

See you tomorrow.

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October 2008