Archive for September 22nd, 2008


Wenger to field youngest side ever

Arsene Wenger has revealed plans to field a zygote and two fetuses (fetii?) in Tuesday’s Carling Cup match against Sheffield United. Reached for comment the boss said

Zygotes are easy to mold into whatever we want them to be. Not as easy as a stem cell but due to certain FA regulations we are not actually allowed to field stem cells at the moment.

The Catholic Church has, of course, condemned this action by the Frenchman.

Upon hearing this news, Tottenham reacted swiftly by re-releasing the commemorative DVD of their 5-1 semi-final win over Arsenal Zygotes last season. Getting a clean copy of the DVD proved difficult until they found out that David Bentley was using the last available copy of the DVD as, erm, for his, uhhh, erm, “viewing pleasure.”


A Children’s Treasury of Funday News.

Ironic Quote of the Day

“If players do not respect him, it should be yellow and red cards. It doesn’t matter who you are – Liverpool or Manchester United, whoever.” — Chelsea Manager Scolari on why Man U got 7 yellows on Sunday.  Uhhh, I think you left off the team that was the reason for the Respect Campaign.

Yellow Card or Red? Elbow to the Head?

The 20% of football fans who want to go back to the good old days when a studs up challenge that lands on top of your opponent’s shin and is followed through with a second studs up foot for good measure and is considered “not even a foul” need a little persepctive. First, the “challenge” was at the end of the first half. This is important because there wasn’t any reason for him to make that challenge, except that he wanted to “put a physical stamp” on the game and intimidate Arsenal before they went in for half-time. Had Davies put in that challenge at the 60th minute in a crucial possesion it would be seen as very different, but much like Barton’s challenge on Nasri, it was a pointless tackle that was overly physical and designed to injure in order to send a message.

Second, no one can deny that Davies came in studs up. That is an illegal tackle 100% of the time.

Third, the challenge landed on Clichy’s shin and Clichy’s foot was on top of the ball. How much higher does a challenge have to be in order to be considered a foul? Knee high? Groin? Shoulder?

Finally, no one is calling for an end to tackles. No one is calling for an end to the physical part of the game. One of my favorite players of all time is Denis Bergkamp and, if I may, he was a jerk. But Bergkamp also used skill in the challenge he didn’t just lunge at people. Let’s let Kolo Toure put some perspective on this last point:

It is wrong to allow those sorts of challenges in football. If we are going to allow that, you might just as well get in kids off the street because they can make those challenges just the same as anybody else can. Football is supposed to be a game of skill. I am sure we could go out and kick players just as hard as we are kicked but we’d rather concentrate on playing football.

Kevin Davies and Bolton would do well to concentrate on playing football instead of trying to intimidate people, because as much as I admire his hard work and grit I equally despise his talentless scything down of opponents.

What do we think of Tottenham?

Poor little David Bentley is at the foot of the table in the league and is second string choice for the national team behind 19 year old Theo Walcott. Cream rises to the top, David.

Can someone please start the “Juande Ramos quits to spend more time with his family” countdown?