Arsene Wenger has revealed plans to field a zygote and two fetuses (fetii?) in Tuesday’s Carling Cup match against Sheffield United. Reached for comment the boss said

Zygotes are easy to mold into whatever we want them to be. Not as easy as a stem cell but due to certain FA regulations we are not actually allowed to field stem cells at the moment.

The Catholic Church has, of course, condemned this action by the Frenchman.

Upon hearing this news, Tottenham reacted swiftly by re-releasing the commemorative DVD of their 5-1 semi-final win over Arsenal Zygotes last season. Getting a clean copy of the DVD proved difficult until they found out that David Bentley was using the last available copy of the DVD as, erm, for his, uhhh, erm, “viewing pleasure.”